BC记：洗衣房里熟悉的陌生人

想早睡，但睡不着
很多画面在脑子里超速地转动
大部分都是因为今天所发生的事情
一些不太愉快的经历
其它的画面也离不开大学的经历
心里感觉有些事情需要记下
所以就断然起来
打开电脑
记录心情

过去的一个月发生了很多事情
不止是大学的过渡期
还有个人心理上都面对了很多的挑战

前阵子心里总是有“凌空”的感觉？
可能是因为上大学前
自己私自决定了倒空自己
以为这样会让一切从头开始
更加能够体验大学的生活
这是一种最错误的想法
也是一种最可怕的态度
如朋友大伟所分享的：
“要带着真实的自己进大学
不要为了配合所谓的“大学生活”而改变原来的自己
做自己喜欢做的事情”＊

话说昨晚十一点多突然即兴想洗衣服。冲动的我就赶紧将脏衣服塞进紫色的洗衣背包里，不到五分钟就起程了。当我像贼子一样背着大大的洗衣包推开洗衣房的门时，我注意到靠左边有一位头戴绿帽子的长发男孩正在读书。见他那么专心，我也没想跟他打招呼。后来他见有人进来，就礼貌地说了声“hi”。见他还挺友善的，我也就礼貌地“hey”回去了。他接着赞我的洗衣包好看，我也像刚才差不多，回了声“谢谢”。但这次不同的是我的回应比较轻松和处于内心的。

老实说，当时我心理上有这样一种错误的想法：他只不过是一位我常见，但不曾打招呼，也脑子里一点印象都没有的男邻居。反正跟他／们（男的白人）也没什么好聊的，就随便互当透明罢了。免得一旦短短的话题没了，就开始尴尬的沉默。我为自己这样的想法而感到羞愧。虽然我没有明显地表现出种族歧视，但我从皮肤的颜色到穿着的外表上先入为主地否定了他人，抹杀了大家可能沟通认识的机会。＊＊

“Thank you” 说完了以后，我发现全部的洗衣机都在忙着。。。我就跟那男孩子开玩笑说，“先帮我保护一下洗衣包，我等会儿回来”

当我再次返回洗衣房的时候，我带了明天上Perspectives课要读的天主教圣经（当时我并不知道他也正读着同一本书）。当我坐下的时候，我们就开始了交谈。。。

谁也没想到，
几个小时后，
这位男孩子会 摇 身 一 变，
变成了我一位熟悉的陌生人。

熟悉的陌生人并非指旧情人

而是指一位真真实实的陌生人

从洗衣到干衣短短的时间里，

他，大伟，变成了我一位熟悉的朋友

我们聊了

对信仰的看法，对男孩子长长头发的看法，对如何适应大学生活的看法，对室友的看法，对洗衣服和独立的看法，对过去高中生活的看法，对朋友的看法，对死亡的看法，对聪明与天分的看法，对爱情和分手的看法，对家人的看法，对学校教育的看法，对运动游泳和排球的看法，对Aristotle亚里士多德和哲学的看法，对心理学的看法，对学习态度和方法的看法，对种族的看法，对家庭背景的看法，对社会经济的看法。。。等等

谈话当中有哈哈大笑的，也有默默悲伤的，有对生命感叹的，也有对生命充满希望与动力的时候。渐渐地，不知何时开始，他的肤色消失了。坐在我旁边的不再是一位“常见，但不曾打招呼，也脑子里一点印象都没有的男邻居”，而是一位真真实实的朋友，一位说话诚恳，善于表达自己，很有主见，而且聪明有趣的朋友。

为什么我特别欣赏这位认识不到一天的朋友呢？并不是因为我们之间擦出了任何火花 ＝，＝

而是昨天的交谈增长了我的大学经历，让我见证了持有“Come out of your comfort zone. Take risk, let yourself be vulnerable by sharing your experiences”这种态度所产生奇妙的效果。大伟让我再次近距离（交心）地体会到虽然两个人来自不同的文化背景，不同的种族，在不同的环境里长大，但在交谈里没有时间也没有空间的限制。只要打开心，就能得到一次很有质量的真心谈话。

从前提到diversity，我比较喜欢与黑人交朋友。或许是因为我高中的时候黑人比白人多。而我所认识的好朋友们都并非一般的黑人，他们都是三百多人的班里最聪明，最勤力，最搞笑的学生。我那届的前四名都是黑人，而且被录取到世界顶尖学校的也是他们。高中时那群白人只留给我这样的一个印象：自以为是，懒散，生活毫无方向，整天只顾着外在的东西，其实大部分都是空心菜，而且是没放腐鱼的空心菜。当然，这些描述也可以应用在任何一种肤色人的身上，懒人不分肤色嘛！以前我误以为自己偏向一个种族。但我现在开始发觉，我偏向的是一种态度，一种愿意分享生命及热爱生命的人。＊＊＊

Anyway，跟大伟的交谈让我接触到不一样的白人，也让我再次见证了其实大家都是人（真的，大家都是人嘛！！！）。说到底，所有人都是 神按着自己形象所创造的。我们应该大胆一点，去认识和关怀身边的所有人，而不止是某个群体或种族。神的爱是完全的，让我们学习神的爱的时候不要有漏洞。 很多时候这样简单的道理我们都忘了。繁忙的生活让我们不得不按部就班，常常忙于和专注于一些只对自己有利或对未来有帮助的事情，使我们不太愿意摆上时间去思想一些敏感的话题，或探讨一些未知的领域。

交朋友最重要的是交心，而不是在于一些表面的东西。（Aristotle’s friends of utility and pleasure do not last long，only friends for goodness does！）活学活用，其实BC的课程真的很赞。虽然它就是没有像BU那么diverse，但是其它方面都是很不错的。。。我个人觉得嘛，作为全球少于1％大学生的我们，无论到哪个大学，我们都比那些没有机会上大学的人幸运。所以要好好学习，将来用所学的贡献回社会就好了。

＊＊＊＊＊＊

很多画面在脑子里超速地转动

大部分都是因为今天所发生的事情

（一些不太愉快的经历）

刚刚开始想要写的这段经历，竟然没有时间写了。要睡觉了。。。

但是。。。我恳求天父原谅我暗地里向室友发怒。虽然她有她做不好的地方，但我觉得我不应该以自己的尺寸来衡量她。要学会包容，大大的包容，像主耶稣包容我一样！！！

＊＊＊＊＊＊

‎2011-10-30 Everything happened for a reason. :) I can not decide on the pattern and colors of the night sky, but I have the freedom to choose an attitude, such as appreciation and admiration. Tonight is the night of looking far far ahead, seeing way beyond my naked eyes are capable, and appreciating the beauty intended by the Original Creator.

"And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that IT WAS GOOD: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night."- Genesis 1:3-5

今天圣灵责备完我发怒以后，我学会了当一个人做错的时候，不要针对他们的过犯，而要为他们的罪献上祷告。因为每个人都有做错的时候，不要因为少少过犯就要惩罚他们。我人生的使命，就是要学会以基督的爱去爱身边每一个人，以生命影响生命。

Powerful One

It only took a thought to begin the process of WWI or WWII,
It only took a click to destroy more than seven digits of Japanese citizens...

our human minds are so powerful that sometimes it yields dangerous,
if we misplaced our mind toward the wrong area.
That is why we have God.
While God grant us the freedom to choose how we live,
He also provided us a suggestive guideline to live by-
a guideline that is pleasing to Him.
Anything that is pleasing to Him = a good life.

Compared to the reunion two years ago,
today's Reunion was more God-orientation.
While we had more food-sushi-two years ago,
we only had fruits from PD.
But spiritually-wise, I was more full today.
I really enjoy the process of trusting in God,
and seeing his work be done in reality.

To be honest, I did have my doubts from time to time.
As Tommy Fly pointed out, he was even worried about how tonight would turned out since I send out the invitation so late.
But God is faithful.
Whenever I was in doubt, I was reminded to turn my eyes back to Him.
Whenever I did that, I found peace in heart.

Let Go, and Let God.
That's faith.

Sometimes one has to take risk and dream big in order to accomplish certain things.
It was the same thing as the Father's day event last year.
It was the same thing today.
Like Fly said, Planning is not a deal after-all if God is in control.
In here, I must praise God for His never ending supports, and His willingness to reach out to me so I can get to know Him more.
Similar to what Heidi said, living a Christian life is not a linear equation, in fact, it is a logarithm function. It has its own ups and down. The important take away is: God is always in control. Even in infinity, God is there!!! (oh man all these calculus class and math jokes get me into a nerdy math geek mode =P).

Dear Heavenly Father,
I gave thanks for today. I gave thanks for everyone that You have invited today: King, Mandy, Danny, Bing, Heidi, YueYun, Lydia, Joe and Jodi. May today's experience be marked in their heart and help them survive hardship in the future. Lord, You are so real and You always work beyond my imagination. I praise You creativity and Your time management skills!!! :) I pray that even after this Reunion, we will continue to reunite with You in our daily life through prayers, fellowship, reading the bible, as well as sharing with others about Your goodness. For You alone deserved so so so much more!!! I lift my heart and soul to You as I can feel myself running back to You and embrace You just as before. Father, take me and guide me to live a life that is pleasing to You!
I pray all in the name of Your beloved Son Jesus,
for I am not worthy of Your love,
Amen.

3:27am...

here I am... wide awake!

one good news is... 

I prayed hard tonight!

prayed to God like I never prayed before~

yearned for God's presence like I never met Him before~

asked for God's love like I never experienced it before~

sought for God's forgiveness like I never tasted forgiveness before~

lifted all my worries, ups and downs, all to God like I never did so before~

felt wonderful! 

felt so refreshed! 

I felt so energetic to embrace my dear God!

God is wonderful all the time, His mercy felt on me like the feather-like snow flakes, so soft and so comfortable. In God's love I felt no fear, no worries, but only a joyful heart that kept on repeating: hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth! 

hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth! 

hallelujah to the Lord of Heaven and Earth! 

Dear Lord, 

thanks so much for reaching down from Heaven to Earth to show how much You loved us!

How perfect You are, compare to how imperfect we are!

Yet You still offer us salvation by sacrificing Your very own son Jesus to die on the cross! 

Who else on this Earth would love us so much that He would die for us?

Only You Lord. 

Only You would humble Yourselves, took the form of human body and by that experienced what we experienced. Temptations, hunger, disappointments, and all different types of human nature emotions... yet You remained Holy and done nothing wrong. Sinlessly clean.

You are a God who understands our every feelings,

You are a God who is willing to show us personally Your everlasting, sacrificial, and never-ending love for You creation. How can I stop from praising Your Mighty name? Indeed I am a weak, but You are strong! Thanks for providing me strength to cast away my weaknesses and fear so that I can claim myself as strong! Thanks for once again reminding me the true meaning of love and forgiveness! May I continue to seek You daily and renew myself within You because You are worthy of my prayer and praise!!! Love you so so so much my Heavenly Father! 

In the name of Your beloved son, Jesus, I lift my prayer to You, amen!

最幸福的。。。

最幸福的人，
就是充滿愛的人。無論是被愛或是付出愛的人都常常與愛相處；學習如何更加愛人，如何更有效地回報別人的愛。

最幸福的事情嘛，
就是讓你所愛的人感到被愛的幸福！能為我親愛的 神做最幸福的回應就是每天通過詩歌敬拜祂！充滿喜樂，充滿盼望，充滿力量！



我如此眇小，祢如此偉大；我的生命如此短暫，你卻是永恆永在的創造主！
我不可愛的時候，祢依然愛著我，不斷地提醒我：你已經鑒察過我的一切。。。

“我坐下，我起來，你都曉得；你從遠處知道我的意念。

我行路，我躺臥，你都細察；你也深知我一切所行的。

耶和華啊，我舌頭上的話，你沒有一句不知道的。

你在我前後環繞我，按手在我身上。

這樣的知識奇妙，是我不能測的，至高，是我不能及的。

我往哪裏去躲避你的靈？我往哪裏逃、躲避你的面？

我若升到天上，你在那裏；我若在陰間下榻，你也在那裏。

我若展開清晨的翅膀，飛到海極居住，

就是在那裏，你的手必引導我；你的右手也必扶持我。

我若說：黑暗必定遮蔽我，我周圍的亮光必成為黑夜；

暗也不能遮蔽我，使你不見，黑夜卻如白晝發亮。

黑暗和光明，在你看都是一樣。

我的肺腑是你所造的；我在母腹中，你已覆庇我。

我要稱謝你，因我受造，奇妙可畏；

你的作為奇妙，這是我心深知道的。

我在暗中受造，在地的深處被聯絡；

那時，我的形體並不向你隱藏。

我未成形的體質，你的眼早已看見了；

你所定的日子，我尚未度一日

你都寫在你的冊上了。　

神啊，你的意念向我何等寶貴！其數何等眾多！

我若數點，比海沙更多；我睡醒的時候，仍和你同在。”

－詩篇139

Live by faith, not by sight.

人非有信、就不能得神的喜悅．因為到　神面前來的人、必須信有　神、且信他賞賜那尋求他的人。

希伯來書 第11章 ： 第6節

Dear Heavenly Father,
You are worthy of all the glory. I love you!!!
In Jesus' name,
Amen!

明明知道一位你親愛的朋友正在走往一條不軌路而你又沒有能力將他叫回，怎麼辦呢？

聆聽禱告的天父，我誠心來到你的跟前向你禱告。今天是主耶穌的生日，祝主耶穌聖誕快樂！！！主啊，從昨天的靈修中你提醒燕儀在你沒有難成的事。請你讓燕儀繼續以基督的心為心，凡事用你的眼光去看待。我的信心不足，求你補足。當我慢慢依靠自己的能力去面對生活時，求你讓聖靈提醒我，你的擔子比我的輕。求你幫助我，加添我信心，讓我在患難中依然懂得感恩；在灰心中依然有盼望。天父，你是創造天地萬物的 神。除你以外，別無他神。求你的靈降臨在我那位回教的朋友當中，讓他感受到你的慈愛，你的燐絻！天父啊，你曾經說過你不願一人沈淪；即使走失一只羊，你也會盡全力將它找回。。。天父啊，我曾經是一只迷失的羊，現在你將我找回並且給予我更豐盛的生命。 我已經嘗試過祢的甜美，祢的祝福，我好像將這份祝福這份禮物分享給身邊的人。求祢讓我有足夠的愛心，足夠的信心，足夠的盼望一直一直地將祢的福音，將主耶穌在十架犧牲的救恩傳給身邊的人。全能的神啊，祢是全能全知昔在今在永在的神。願祢慈悲的雙手，繼續帶領我去將祢的大愛和永生的禮物送給我身邊依然迷失的羊群。天父啊，祢是值得最高榮耀的神。在這聖誕節過後的日子，願我對祢的熱情天天加深；願我對祢的愛，也是如此！！！

天父，我渴望每天經歷祢的恩典。每天在祢的安排下有意義的活出每一天。願祢繼續帶領我，好讓我能夠有勇氣地走這條窄路，這天恩典之路！

奉主耶穌的名字而獻上這不完全的禱告，阿們！

Pray Ambitiously-

for God's power is beyond our imagination...

You want to see miracles happen?
Pray for it, ask for it, seek God's presence in it,
trust that God will lead you to a plan greater than you can handle,
He will drant you the power and strength you need,
if you are willing to take the first step of lifting yourself up to Him.

Father Lord,
Today is definitely a life-changing day, for you opened my eyes to see how fragile our body is. You opened my eyes to witness how weak and how helpless one can be in just a blink of the eyes. I lift up my cousin to You as he was told to have diabetes, type 1. I know it is not an accident that he would call me from the hospital. It is not an accident that I met my aunt, and grandparents in the train station without any plan. I know You have place me back to my cousin's life for a reason.

For the last 6 years we did not say a word to each other. I totally forgot the presence of this cousin in America, the one whom I hang out so much when we were little children. Father Lord, You brought him back to my life last year during Church Fellowship Spring Camp in April. You gave me the epiphany to hand him the form and invite him to the camping. Though I was little faith at the time when I hand him the invitation, using my own judgment that he might not come, Lord, You have showed me more than I can imagine. He ended up coming to Spring Camp with 3 of his other friends. Though he did not choose to believe in you during spring camp, I know You have touched his heart and slowly opening the door of his heart to get to know more about you.

Three months ago, I received an email from Amos by accident, about Jason Ma's concert at Harvard Square. It was an event intended for Harvard and Northeastern students, yet Lord you have brought us there. You have brought my cousin and his three friends to go to the concert after literally 30 minutes of struggles. Lord, you have performed miracle at that time already! without enough cash, you have provided us a way there. Lord, I know everything is in Your plan, and all we need to do is seek Your presence to be with us while we walk in Your plan. I ask for your mercy Lord, as my cousin found out last week that he has diabetes. From now on for the rest of his life, he has to inject insulin three times a day before meals and test for his blood level four times a day! How scary is that thought? How shock I was when I put myself in his shoes?

Lord, I am weak. You are strong. I am poor, You are rich. I ask for Your love and peace to just pour out to my cousin like heavy rains pour down on earth. Father, I lift up my cousin to you, from now on and the rest of his life. I know it is in Your plan that You want me to further introduce You into his life. I knew it and I can feel it! Lord, I ask for Your wisdom and for Your blessing to strengthen me as a messenger of the gospel, of the Good News. I ask the Holy Spirit to continue knocking on my cousin's heart, so that his heart will be soften and more open to Your words. Father, I just want to give thanks to You. I give thanks to You when I am in trouble, I give thanks to You when I am in joy, I give thanks to You when I see no path ahead, I give thanks to You until I can no longer speak! I will sing to You in halleluljah! For you are a healing God! I sing to you in hallelujah, for you have saved so many souls, not bodies. Our soul is way more important than our body. Without a soul, we will all just be cold-blooded. I pray for courage for my cousin as he has to endure the pain everyday from now on. I pray for comfort for my cousin's parents, as they have to watch their only child suffer, and sometimes even have to inject the needle into their own child's hand! How painful is that! I am sure that pain is greater than our body pain, it is a pain from the soul! I bet their soul must cries out WHY? Why my son? Father Lord, I believe everything happens for a reason.

I pray that my cousin will come to know You more, and find peace in You. In Your love there is no fear, Lord, You have showed me countless times of how you turn pain into peace and turn curse into blessing! I pray Your presence to be with me, my cousin and everyone that cares about my cousin. I sincerely ask for Your presence even though I know that You are everything. You are always presence. But knowing that You listen to my prayer sooths my heart, because I know You can help me take care of my cousin better than anybody else. No doctors or medications can replace You because You are a mighty God. You are the definition of miracle. Lord, I am not asking for your instant healing. I am asking for Your presence to be with my cousin... let Your love cast away his fear so that he will find forever comfort in You. From then, he will be able to claim himself as strong and rich, for he has seen the power of his Creator... the one that changes people's life like no one else on heaven and earth can compare.

Lord, I pray for whoever ends up reading this pray, please invite them to join me in prayer for my cousin. My cousin's sudden change in life reminds me of my own situation because I should stop abusing my own health by staying up late at night. It is really a blessing to just have a healthy body. Why am I sometimes even complain about the smallest things in the world? Lord, open my eyes to see what is significant in Your Kingdom, and not what is so temporary on this earth that it will vanish the next time I blink my eyes. Lord, help me to spend my time wisely, because You have called me to a mission. The mission of bringing people to know You and to live a life for You. Thank you lord, for everything in my life, all the love, the blessings, the gracious pain, and the faith!!!

In Your beloved Jesus Christ's name I lift up this public prayer in sincerity,
Amen!

In Him, there's always a way!

the more I put my trust in God,
the more joyful I feel each day!
my daily burden is heavy,
but if I take up the cross and walk with Jesus,
my burden will be no longer a burden.
For I no longer have my eyes fixed on the world,
but only on Him and His cross. That moment,
I finally understood this bible verse:
Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

Hallelujah Lord!!!
Every time when I put my trust in You,
You will always surprise me beyond my imagination!

This Wednesday I finally got the result from Questbridge. Days before that, I began praying to God. I asked God to lead me where He wants me to be, place me in His plan regardless. Suddenly remember a gospel song with the lyrics goes similar to my current thought: I am really poor but God make me rich, I am really weak but God makes me strong.

Dear Lord,
I started with nothing, I owned nothing. Yet You have given me Your life before I was even born. You sacrificed Your own life on the cross so that I can be set free from sins and live a more abundant life through You! Hallelujah Lord! I praise you!!! Just at this moment my mother came home with a letter in hand. It is a letter from immigration. When I opened the letter, I knew it is a good news. I can just feel the peace in my heart. Father, once again you have answered my prayer. My mother has finally become a U.S. citizen!!! So is Jin and me! We are indeed a blessed family. ^___^ Regardless of how the circumstances may be, Lord you secured my heart and told me to remain still. "Be still and know that You are God". I can not ask for more in this life but to have greater and greater passion for you each day! Lord, I give thanks to you as my mother is reporting the good news to my step-father on the phone! she is really overjoyed! I understand that this joy is not temporary because she just dropped one of her greatest burden! When I told her that I prayed for her in the past few weeks, she smiled at me and we high-fived each other. Father, I am so joyful for my family, for my mother, for my step-father and all the blessings that you are pouring at me! January 20 is the date that you have chosen for my mother to attend Naturalization Oath Ceremony, I prayed that you will continue to touch her heart, through every way you can, so that she will also experience the love and peace that I always have. Once again, I can not thank you enough, my Lord! You are just so wonderful!!!

As for questbridge, I give thanks for you because you have opened my eyes to so many things through questbridge! the way how the deadline was postponed, the love that Jie Wen offered to me (selflessly skipped dinner and edited my essay!), the support that I had gained from my old buddy and new buddy Mamadou (without questbridge, I wouldn't even get to talk to him and know him so well!), the encouragement from my mother and friends when I found out I did not get the scholarship, and everything else that followed! I am so grateful for this life~ so so grateful! Today as I started to receive follow up emails from the partners schools at questbridge, I began to hear a soft voice in heart that directs me to the solution why I did not get the scholarship. I totally appreciated this opportunity to be just the finalist of questbridge, because it is a college form of Crimson Summer Academy that I can seek supports from in college! Father, I know Your ways are better than mine and Your plan is way better than my plans. I am willing to lift up my plan and let Yours take over. Thanks Father!!! I prayed for those who received the scholarship, for they must needed it more than I do. Though I am not physically rich, but I am indeed wealthy in heart because of You! Thank you so much!!! I prayed all these out of the epiphanies in heart. Lift up my prayer in Jesus name to You, Lord! Amen!!!

From lacking to willing...

The problem is not that we are lacking, it is whether or not you are willing.

What problem?
As I thought about the sharing at J2 tonight, my heart was so touched by each and everyone's sharing. As Nicole mentioned, sometimes it is hard to share in a big group setting about God's work because we are not used to do so and almost everybody fears about public speaking. But the amazing part is, God will have His ways to open up our heart to speak His grace and blessings. It is such a beautiful picture! Like Paul emphasizes on Philippians, REJOICE!!! Amen!

let me refers back to the 'problem' mentioned above. What exactly is the problem that I am trying to discuss here? I think there is only one problem in my mind that I realized the solution tonight: the problem of little faith. That was my problem. The most challenging problem that I encountered so far in my journey to learn more about God. I believe it is a problem for many others too. Sometimes even as Christians, we are too comfortable with what we have and we began to loose the passion to live for Christ, which is a challenging life because not many people are willing to take up the cross and walk this narrow path.

Before I went to J2 today, I prayed to God in my usual spot and I read a devotional book by Jaeson Ma. Jeason shared about his experience giving his life to God during his senior year. He became very passionate about God and share the gospel with his classmates, near 100 classmates came to realize Jesus as their savior at the end of his senior year! That was the kind of faith that I look up to, I thought to myself. When I think about myself, I got intimidated for a sec (trying to imagine 100 non-christinas from my class came to know God during my senior year?) it seems to be impossible. But then I humbled myself in prayer, I remind myself that it is not Pastor Jaeson Ma who performed the miracle, that done the impossible, it is God. Thats the beauty of faith and prayer. They all point back to God. God is the center of everything we do, and the center of our lives!

I can not emphasize the joyful, grateful, and hopeful life that God has led me to, and I can not emphasize how great it feels to know your purpose of living because nobody else can tell you this purpose. A life lives for oneself is not a life worth living for, because no one can escape death. But with Jesus' cross, we are allowed to enter eternity with God. My purpose in life is to share God's love with others, and to introduce others back to God.

I know I am lacking many things. I am lacking the skills, I am lacking they money, I am lacking the faith... I am lacking so many things to accomplish what God wants me to do. But God reminds me tonight that it is not "what I am lacking" that is hindering me to accomplish His work, it is "whether or not I am willing". My God is a powerful God, He will provide me anything I need and more than I can imagine, as long as I am willing to live a life for Him. =)

Father Lord, please grant me the passion to keep praying to You. In Jesus name I lift up this short prayer. Amen.

A sentence from Pastor Ma's book really appealed to me, "I have a passion for prayer. I am nothing without it. I am everything with it."

Hilarious and encouraging moment!

a few sec ago while I was trying to type a post "a letter to myself...", Jin interrupted me with a question.

"is it true that we have half day on Wednesday?"
"yes...and Thursday and Friday *smiley face*"
Standing in front of me, Jin began to fold his hands together and turn his face upward to the ceiling...

Thought bubble: what is this kid doing?

"...thank you Jesus for letting the Pilgrims come to America, thank you God for letter the Pilgrims stayed in America, thank you God for letter me half day and vacation! Thank you Lord. *smiley face* opened his eyes and walked away...*

*puzzled face* O_O
did he just prayed to God in front of me?
did he just thank God for what He did?
did he just spontaneously think of God when something good happened?

I don't know what it is that makes me so joyful at this moment, but I am sure of one thing: Jin did not deny goodness comes from God. I don't care what was in Jin's mind or what his motive was, but at least... he thought of God to give thanks to when good things happened, such as us receiving the free turkey and this coming Thanksgiving vacation. If Jin has this thought in mind when good things happened, somewhere in his mind he must believes that God is real. That's an encouraging first step. This reminds me the question he asked me a months ago... I am going to pray for Jin tonight, I am faithful that Jin will one day realizes the true goodness of God- eternal life.

11182010 is an important #!

Out of strong desires in my heart, I somehow managed to wake up from a nap and attended the missions meeting at church. As I was walking there, for some reason, my feet just speed up, I was so eager to attend the meeting! Honestly, it was not a meeting that I look forward and I did not plan to go a week ago knowing that it is on a school night. But out of God's blessing, I was able to overcome my own laziness and attended the meeting out of faith. As I speed up my steps, I prayed to God: I lift up my fear of being in a serious setting with all adults, I pray for my heart to be obedient and open to what I was about to learn, and I pray for myself to just be myself regardless of the young age that I am. After the prayer, I looked up to the sky. I saw the bright moon surrounded by waves of crystal-like clouds, what a beautiful scene that I was able to see! Then I felt peace in my heart, I knew that God indeed answered my prayer right away.

In the meeting, Barry recapped what Pastor Luo shared with us two weeks ago. It was nice to refresh my mind of what had touched my heart and once again be motivated by God's love message. Right after that, we had a sharing session. It was the part where I witnessed people's grateful life because of God's plan. I remembered everyone's sharing and was touched by all of them. Though we were in different age and different stage of life, but it was a blessing to see other brothers and sisters in Christ to care so much about this BCEC family and God's Kingdom! Hallelujah to my Heavenly Father!!! <3

One of the people who shared her story was the Christian that bought me to Christ. After so many years, I give thanks to God for her to set a good example for me!!!

Though I am still young, I want to prepare myself. I will gear up myself. For Paul advises us many years ago :

"¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."- Ephesians 13-20

I will go, Lord

I was rolling on my bed and my mind was filled with something. I didn't know what it was... my laziness? my weariness from school and other activities? I am not sure.

After a few rolls and minutes of pondering, I saw the book by Jaeson Ma titled "The Blueprint". Jaeson Ma is a passionate pastor who is outreaching to university campuses to plant mobile student-lead churches and calling for a generation revival in preparation for God's arrival. I picked up the book and started reading...

In a breath I swam through the first 32 pages of the book and immediately felt satisfaction and a burning passion to pray! As I was reading, I felt God's presence and His master plan for Jaeson stunned me greatly. As I am about to go to college and not sure where to go next, God once again reminded me today to believe in my heart. For Jaeson, he was the 1 out of the 100+ students from his philosophy 101 class to raised his hand and claimed himself publicly as a Christian...

That bothered him, which was exactly the same as it bothered me when I encountered the youth adults in Shanghai, China. When I said my trip to Shanghai was completely out of God's grace, I meant it to the bottom of my heart. Not to mention the fact that Aunt (mom's friend) paid for all the meals, taxi money and provided me housing in her home, I got to meet all of her old classmates and got to traveled with them to different places. One of the classmate has a son, age of 21, named Bai Zhong Yi whom I chatted with during a dinner gathering. We talked about God, we shared our beliefs of the world with each other, and we talked about history and society. We talked about everything. One thing I noticed, however, his life sounded limited by the expectations of society and the routine life. I believed he is only one of the millions who felt that way. When we chat, I did not sense hope or excitement that usually come from a young adult. Honestly, young working adults in China are often pressured and stressed by the rapid pace of society. All is left for them is to work for money and live a self-satisfied life. As for me, I might seemed to be an idealist and an immature person who never experience the REAL society. I might not have as much "society experience" as him, but surely, I experienced more than I can ever ask for in my age. When we chatted about God, I can see that he was trying to be hard to be respectful. Piece by piece, I shared the gospel with him. I did not changed his mind to believe in what I believed in. But I had nothing to lose. It was a joy to be able to share the Light with somebody who is in darkness. Whether or not he will recognize the light and start to use it as a guide for life, the choice is totally up to him...

Similarly, Jaeson's experience in that class encouraged him to call out for a revival in his university. In the next few years, he was able to meet with bible leaders to share the gospel with more than 2000 people in his university. What a miraculous sight! As for a under-the-well-frog me, what Jaeson did seemed like he turned the impossible into possible. In truth, it was God that granted him the wisdom and provided him the strength to do what he did. God is the one that take off the "im" from impossible. Afterall, God had chosen Jaeson. In the same ways, when we are willing to offer ourselves as living sacrifice, God will use us in ways we can never imagine.

One thing that I really like from what I read is the word Passion. You know you have passion when you are willing to make sacrifice and to suffer to it. I often claimed myself to have many passions...but in reality, they may just be hobbies. There is one passion that I would give up my life for: it is the love from God and for God. Same as Jaeson, I know I can not live without God's presence. Once you have seen the Light, you can not return and just pretend like nothing ever happened. God is just too good!!! He is a living God, thousands and thousands of Christ followers around the world are witnessing His presence. What more is there to emphasis how great our God is except to praise Him for His grace and blessings every day and night, pray to him in thanksgiving and think of Him every minutes and seconds of our lives? No one is perfect, but I do not need to be a perfect person to hold on to my passion. I just need a holy passion to keep me close to my God. I just need a faithful heart to walk in unknown paths in searching of the lost.

Dear Lord, grant me vision; grant me strength and endurance to do what you have implanted in front of me. Here I am, I am Yours. In Your beloved Son, Amen!




Artist: Starfield
Song: I Will Go
Album: I Will Go

To the desperate eyes and reaching hands
To the suffering and the need
To the ones the world has cast aside
Where you want me I will be

**
I will go, I will go
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
I'm clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me

Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change

I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you

Send me!

媽媽煮的晚餐

從小到大，吃過媽媽煮的無數餐晚飯，今晚的特別值得回味。。。

在這大而空蕩蕩的dorm裡聽著音樂配合上外面下雨的音調，加上時不時吹來的涼風，讓我非常的感觸。日後上大學後，懷念的大概就是這種感覺吧。

吃著吃著，我打電話給媽媽：“媽，你今天用滾水煮的食物真的很好吃！厲害啊”
“呵呵，是你肚子餓的緣故吧”

我心裡暗笑了：
不，是因為你的心意。
是因為你害怕我遲到，沒有時間吃晚餐所以靈機一閃用滾水煮飯的那份心意。老實說，飯挺硬的，卻異常的好口感。
我今晚吃的，不單單是晚飯，是媽媽的愛，是媽媽的犧牲，是媽媽這麼多年來一直想給我表達的母愛。

電話過線後，我心裡非常的感恩。
神 賜給我了世上最好的媽媽，我唯一的媽媽。

今天早上崇拜的時候我就立了志，
無論發生甚麼事情，我也要孝敬我媽媽。
從今天開始，我答應  神我不會再罵我媽媽一句，也不會說讓她難受的事情。
她為我做的，為我犧牲的，實在是太多了。
從前無知的我竟然還常常跟她計算呢！

主啊，
以前的我很自私，
為了自己的快樂可以拋下家裡的人不管，
早出晚歸的生活我不要再過了。
我的心，要專心事奉主，要專心的愛家人。
我的心，要從自私變為無私，無條件的愛。
願 神你繼續教導我甚麼是無私的愛，甚麼是犧牲般的愛。
奉主名求，阿們！

You Laid aside Your Majesty

Dear Heavenly Father,

thank you for renewing me tonight!

through the touching words of this worship song, 

through the bible in the book of 2 Corinthian,

through the very verse that stroke my heart...

You are beyond amazing, 

You are beyond any kind of beautiful description,

You love is deeper than the ocean, higher than the sky.

You are my Savior, my hero, my comforter, my closest friend, my guidance,

MY EVERYTHING.

Life away from you is definitely spiritually dull and dry.

I pray for change, 

I pray for a passion-

a passion to forever follow after You. 

In the Name of Your Beloved son Jesus Christ,

AMEN

[You Laid aside Your Majesty ]

Copyright: 1985 KINGSWAYS THANKYOU MUSIC

You laid aside Your majesty, gave up everything for me. Suffered at the hands of those You had created. You took away my guilt and shame, When You died and rose again. Now today You reign, And heaven and earth exalt You. I really want to worship You my Lord, You have won my heart and I am Yours. Forever and ever, I will love You. You are the only one who died for me, Gave Your life to set me free.

“若有人在基督裏，他就是新造的人，舊事已過，都變成新的了” 林後五17

原 來 基 督 的 愛 激 勵 我 們 ．
因 我 們 想 一 人 既 替 眾 人 死 、 眾 人 就 都 死 了。
  並 且 他 替 眾 人 死 、 是 叫 那 些 活 著 的 人 、
不 再 為 自 己 活 、 乃 為 替 他 們 死 而 復 活 的 主 活 。
所 以 我 們 從 今 以 後 、 不 憑 著 外 貌  認 人 了 ．
雖 然 憑 著 外 貌 認 過 基 督 、 如 今 卻 不 再 這 樣 認 他 了 。
若 有 人 在 基 督 裡 、 他 就 是 新 造 的 人 ． 舊 事 已 過 、都 變 成 新 的 了 。