Dear 2014...

"Happy New Year my friends! For me, 2014 was a year of speaking truth in love, mourning for losses, celebrating family, embracing friendships, and living out a life of new possibilities in different parts of the world. Onto 2015 I go, dare to pick up the cross and love fearlessly, any where, any time."

Speaking Truth In Love:
I can recall so many moments when I was challenged to speak up. I did speak up most of the time. There were two other moments where I thought about a lot, yet never did follow through with speaking up my mind. Of the times when I did speak up, I can instantly recall several significant moments...

Speaking up wisely is a loss art, especially when we live in a large and some times virtual community with little accountability. At the beginning of the year, I emotionally stripped myself naked and laid bear in pursuing what I believed was a calling to speak truth in love. It was a difficult lesson indeed. The process was emotionally burdening and the time leading up to it was nerve-wrecking. Not only did I dig through years of memories, I had to process and evaluate it in the present and act accordingly with courage and love. I later learned that it was not a matter of right or wrong answer. It was the question of do or do not. I've always been so OCD about making mistakes that I become afraid to make mistakes, when mistakes were actually what helped me grow in the first place. It was difficult being vulnerable in front of others, especially when it was something I've never exposed or called attention to it before. True vulnerability is not about what I am willing to share, it is sharing all that I am unwilling, uncomfortable and unexpected to share, yet I still choose share for the shake of love, healing, and understanding. So I spoke up. The marinating period was painful but by the grace of God, the experience turned out to be a very peaceful one.

In another instance towards the middle of the year, I spoke up. This time I did it more out of frustration and a little tiny bit of love. May God forgive me! God did and He showed me that He can use my weakness and messiness to generate personal growth and nurture a genuine friendship. I learned about the way how I interact with others and how I can better improve in the future. The most important lesson of all from this experience: never walk out in a conversation. 

In the summer, I encountered another experience where I learned that open communication alleviates stress. The act of bottling up emotions does anyone no good. It would only increases stress on both sides and lead to pretense interaction. When I did speak up, the other person was more understanding and accepting than I thought. Here, I was challenged to trust more and give others benefit of the doubt. 

In this most recent moment of speaking up, I spoke up for myself and for the one I dearly love. It was speaking up and engaging in healing conversations. God gave me the opportunity to listen, to understand and to speak up. I can never forget this blessing! 

Of the times when I did not speak up, I guess it was a battle I chose to let go. Some times speaking up jeopardize relationships, so I chose to close my mouth at certain times and adjust the emotions inside my own head. I guess intelligence is when one picks all the battles and wins them all, and wisdom is knowing when to pick a battle and when to let go. After all, our resources and time is limited. 

Mourning for Losses:Losing someone significant is... soul-breaking. Dealing with losses is not uncommon, as people come and go. Dealing with losses of significant people in my life takes a long time to heal. The past sometimes catches up to me and reminds me of the "what ifs". This past year, I've lost someone significant. Someone who made a huge impact in my life. As I was mourning, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me, "give yourself time to mourn and to live through the pain." I did not exactly know what mourning was like in this specific case. When my father was passed away, I did not mourn for long. I was too young to understand what that even means. Over the years, I mourn in moments when I long for him. I mourn in moments when I learn about him from my mother. I mourn in the moments when I recall few interactions we shared. He is still very much alive in my heart until this day. The person that I lost this year is also alive in my heart. Memories of our interactions still trigger the same level of emotions and engagements. I was mourning in the freshmen dorms in Boston, MA. I was mourning in the long bench in Leogane, Haiti. I was mourning in safari in Cape Town, South Africa. The mourning does not seem to stop, but just like the mourning for my father, the pain decreases over time as the appreciation increases. I will keep on mourning for as long as it takes. So to dear 2014, thank you for a good chapter. 

Another significant way of mourning for losses is the 4-minute silence to remember Eric Garner. Mr. Garner was choked to death under bright daylight in New York. When I closed my eyes, I could feel the cry for "I can't breathe". Lying on the grass and the street with about three hundred people of many backgrounds and nations, I could feel the energy crying out for justice. When speakers shared, our hearts were united, in the name of solidarity. BC was the institution that taught me this word, yet I felt utterly disappointed by the silence and denouncement of BC leaders. Why are the students being warned and punished for being solidarity, especially during the times when they acted against social injustice? My heart breaks for all the black lives that were lost not just in 2014 but in the past history. I am still mourning and my healing shall come from my Lord and the dedication I am willing to put into fighting against social injustice. 

Celebrating Family:
Family...oh family. When I was away from the States, distance has brought us closer because skype allowed my mother to reach me more frequently than when I was at BC. This past year had a very rocky start in my family dynamic and it had gotten better over the months. I felt blessed to celebrate my mother's birthday with her in the three weeks that I stayed home in between trips. I also felt blessed to come back from Cape Town safely and spend this winter vacation with my family. Watching TV series (Person of Interest) and drama (Feichengwurao) and movies (Star wars and Spirited Away) have been enjoyable. I do not normally watch TV a lot. I am happy that the unnecessary, wasted TV time has turned into productive family bonding time. It's not easy to connect my family, but prayers never fail and opportunities of love are always there!

Embracing Friendship: 
Being away from BC and Boston has allowed me to evaluate my past and present friendships. As I grow older, I sense that I become less willing to open myself up for new friendships. Prior leaving for Cape Town, I did not set any expectation of meeting long-term friends. I met amazing people. We had wonderful conversations. I learned a lot. However, the deepest part of my heart had a difficult time inviting in people to invest in long term friends because I knew that I was only in Cape Town for a short while. I use the word "friend" cautiously because I came to realize that my resource and time is limited. And investing in long term friendship requires both. I was pretty content with the core group of friends I had back home in Boston.

By the end of the trip, I was truly humbled by the people I've encountered. From the one-time encounter to the many nights of deep conversations, my skepticism in meeting long term friends was broken. I ended up with some pretty awesome American and South African friends, whom I would definitely go back and continue our conversations. 

To name a few...

• Beach Boy
• Volleyball
• Soccer
• Lost Granny
• Bus driver
• RH
• Professors <3
• M, C, J, R, M
• A, M, E, T
• J, S, J, S

This year I had the opportunity to be present in two of my significant friends' weddings. I was only able to make it to one. Even so, God has shown me that He is the one who blesses and nurtures our friendship. How beautiful is the wedding day of two people singing songs of praises and honoring the Heavenly Father! :)

When I returned to Boston, I was able to catch up with many good friends and had looooooooooooooong conversations. Life has been truly beautiful. Some times I just sit back and smile...

2015:Picking up the cross and loving fearlessly... 
The adventures from 2014  have left positive and negative influences in my relationship with God. For this upcoming year, I want to continue to engage in a relationship with God. As I am graduating from BC and moving forward, I want to keep relying on God and seeing His guidance. There are so many possibilities. I want to prepare my heart to walk the path that will bring me closer to God. I want to learn to love more fiercely and fearlessly, in all circumstances.


Dear God,
I am alive and breathing, thank You. Last year had its share of ups and downs and it was definitely a difficult and thriving year. Thank You for watching over me and giving me opportunities to adore the beauty of Your creations, even in the messy situations. The lady told me the other day that I have the presence of God with me. What an affirmation from a stranger! I know very well in my heart that it was You who gave me the courage and compassion to help her. I thank You for Your love that is filling in my heart.

For this coming year, I ask for more of You and less of myself. I want to ask to be in an intimate relationship with You and less of legalistic beliefs. You are the God who knew me before my birth and all that is to me. I lift up all the possibilities of my future into Your hands. Use the skills, talents, and all the resources that I have to glorify Your name, the Almighty, all loving, all knowing Lord.

I have many questions in my heart and I've been seeking for answers. You've shown me that I needed rest more than anything else. May my desires that have caused me to be restless be taken away from me, so I can truly be still and know that You are my God. From the stars in Kingston, to the stormy rain in Leogane, to the vast ocean in the Santo-Domingo, to the bright moon in Cape Town, everything will not be there without Your permission oh Lord! We are so small yet so significant in Your eyes. You've shown me that You care more than anyone else in this world and I must always remember that. When I walk astray from You, I ask that You would kindly remind me the way home. The intellectual and spiritual warfares in this world wrestles for a better world. I believe that this better world can only be found in You. I ask that You would continue to show me what it means to live with Your image in my soul and serve the people around me. Thank You God for loving me and standing by me in all circumstances. I love you and I hope to receive and show more love in 2015.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen!

天时地利人和，我们成着。。。

最近读了一本书，是一位中国革命人物的自传。读完后感受良多。有时不平凡人生的代价真的很高，而且很多时候不由得当事人去选择。突然其来的龙卷风，就像一股无情的力量，在天时地利人和时将你卷进一场暴风雨。让你在暴风雨中拼了命地挣扎。那时除了要好好地生存，没有其他的事情更要紧了。暴风雨过后，若然还活着，才敢轻轻地叹一气。原来困难有多大，人的生命力也能被激发到相对的程度。

从书本里回到现实，想起了那些没有活过来的人们。他们的生命因为那场暴风雨的来临而终结了，从此消失于人世间。或许我们未能记住好些那样的人。随着时间的流逝，就连那些关连的记忆也慢慢地在脑海中，随波浪而去。

就是有那么一群人，纵然他们早已不在身边了，依然活在我们心中，影响着我们的所作所为。

那天下午，妈妈购物回来。不知那来的兴致，开始讲起了往事。这是关于从前追求者的故事。她越分享越兴奋。头不时往上看，眼睛发起亮光，摆出一副往事重温的样子。她被往事的种种片段唤醒了内心久违的少女，很快就被自己的故事感染，整个人变得陶醉起来。在她的分享当中，我认识了年轻的妈妈。也认识了年轻妈妈的追求者。她生动的描述，让我也感到格外的兴奋，听得多么的入神呢，就好像在观赏一部爱情的文艺片。

妈妈的分享让我想起两句话：有一种爱叫做死心塌地，也有一种错过叫做爱得太迟。有些死心塌地的人单方面地爱着，写了十几页掏心掏肺的爱情宣言，最终也未必能够如愿所尝。有些明明爱着的人，却因为某种原因，埋藏在心底，一言不发。到了一切一切过后，才提起埋藏已久的爱。可惜那时已经爱得太迟了。也有好些人，刚好在对的时候，敢爱敢言。两个人，心连心，在一起。

他就像男版的白雪公主，身边有着几个小矮人。这位白雪王子呢，开着一间点心店，请了六位女生来帮忙。而他很快就看上了其中一位。点心店将要关闭时，他众人中只指着她一人说，你以后出外工作后要记得回来找我。她知道她虽然长相不怎么出众，但有着一颗朴实的心。然而，那颗朴实的心让他为了她，不惜从乡下迁移到她工作的城市，悄悄地出现在她面前，接她下班，请她外出吃饭。往后回乡时，他常常带猎物到她家，一起煮一起吃。他也经常到田里帮助她的爸爸，一起收割田里的农作物。她说他的存在和在乎给了她很足够的安全感。就是这种安全感，她决定一辈子就跟着他了。接下来的一切，也就自然而然地成了。

她向来都是被爱护着，直到那年。。。一场突然其来的暴风雨，让他在挣扎中拼了命也没法活过来。他在她人生中最需要他的时候被病魔带走了。然而，失去爱人失去依靠的她在挣扎中活了下来，从零开始坚强地重新建立生活，精心地保养着两个爱情结晶。暴风雨过去已经十一个年头了，她慢慢地松了几口气。虽然间中也有经历过大大小小的风雨，她微笑依然，积极面对人生。她所作的一切一切，都是为了爱。为了爱人，为了儿女。为了一个专属她的家。

妈妈的分享让我也见证了一种恒久的爱，叫做不可替代的爱。时间与空间都不能将真心相爱的人分离。即使人生进入了另一个季节，她春天里的花儿，永远只会为那个曾经敢爱敢言为她单纯地付出单纯地爱护的人绽放。

从分享中，我看得出她多年来从未改变过的气质：朴实。历经风雨后，她的内心更加向往着平淡的人生，继续为爱人为家人努力着。即使面对那些曾经伤害过她的人，也大气地为他们默默付出，在紧要关头依然挺身而出。

终然我们有代沟，性格也大不同，近年来我总在日常生活中看到她在我身上的影响。话说那天清早，她预备要外出。我说，我也去。实质我是想有时间就好好陪陪她吧。然后她说出了让我意外的一句，“我是一个喜欢自由自在的人。” 这家伙除了嫌我出门的动作慢，言语间其实潜意识地表达了向往自由的心思。当大门关上时，我一个人原地坐着，不禁地笑了。
                           

妈，如果将来我的另一半像爸爸一样爱你，但是他不是中国人，你会觉得怎样？
下辈子是你跟他一起过，我的意见只能提供参考。

她的答案比我预期的轻松开明多了。
都是我的错，低估了叶妈大人。

小小饒恕大大恩典

有時、我們很尊敬很親近的人會不經意講出很多刺耳的話語、直接或間接挑戰我們的價值觀和世界觀。這時我們要提醒自己、先不要動怒、也不要埋怨往肚子裡吞、更不要過於怪責、記掛在心。應為這個人禱告、到了一定的時間、神會讓他們學習需要學的功課。而我們可以做到的是、耐心的等待適合的時機、分享我們所見證過經歷過的風景。

今晚要為兩個人禱告去。。。
江山易改、本性難易。唯獨 神才能改變人心！

時間對了

時間對了，小弟從未向任何人表達過的心思意念赤裸裸地呈現，讓我受寵若驚；
時間對了，友人鼓起勇氣作出了讓神喜悅的決定，採取了讓神自豪的行動；
時間對了，W&K簡潔美的婚禮作了真實動人的好見證，衷心祝福；
時間對了，那晚夜深人靜時躺在床上，終於想通了。。。幾點；
時間對了，友人為愛的不離不棄感動了眾人也感動了自己；
時間對了，共同看電視的時間讓葉媽跟我，小弟跟我有了共同話題共同興趣；
時間對了，我願意承擔長大的責任，學開車，取駕照，買車，帶家人遊玩；
時間對了，我願意支持老爸多年來的夢想，付上時間心思為他完夢；
時間對了，與尊敬長輩們的一些對話，分享各自不同年代遊行的經歷，終身難忘；
時間對了，爺爺奶奶自動要求返教會，返過三堂又與老友繼續返二堂；
時間對了，該留的便留，該走的便走，該發生的便發生；
時間對了，我停下來在鏡子裡凝望著一直在路上的自己，輕說，回來也好；

神啊，在祢的時間裡，永遠都是對的。
祢所懷的意念是賜平安的意念，叫我末後有指望。
－耶利米書29：11

Yanyismothercity.tumblr.com

Temporarily moved to a new home from July-November for my Study Abroad experience :)

葉媽的生日大計

葉媽這個星期日7月20日生日，為了預備一份跟以往不一樣的生日禮物，我跟弟弟提議這個星期每晚的晚餐由我們預備。姐弟倆齊心合力煮美味晚餐迎來下班的葉媽！

第一天：星期一
今天下午在預備晚餐的過程中突然發現葉媽忘了帶午餐上班、裝午餐的飯盒完整無缺地藏在廚房的抽櫃裡。本想直接帶飯到她工作的地方、但那時已經過了午餐時間、所以就決定將心思跟時間擺在預備晚餐上。（笑話：後父起來的時候便說、我跟妳媽早上找飯盒找了近半個小時、妳媽還以為鬼吃了呢。我笑著回答、那鬼還真厲害、連飯盒的盒子都吃得一干二淨。呵呵）

打開雪櫃、看到很多食料可以煮。後來就覺得今天是第一天、簡簡單單就好。所以就選擇了 1）排骨紅蘿蔔玉米湯
2）番茄蛋
3）翻炒雞肉
後加實驗品：炒核桃加mayo

【排骨紅蘿蔔玉米湯】
我總覺得煲湯是挺簡單的事情、個人簡稱「一鍋熟」的湯。有肉、有菜、有豆類、加水、加油、加鹽、煲它個零幾個小時、味道肯定鮮甜、營養也十足。當然，我描述得比較不負責任，關於湯的細節跟小竅門我還是跟厲害專業廚師後父有取過經。所以絕對不是閉上眼睛亂來啦。呵呵

我首先預備了玉米跟紅蘿蔔、將之切片。我還特意將其中幾塊切好的玉米拔出一顆一顆的玉米、好方便燙後吃玉米。呵呵。然後我將一小姜切成薄片跟一點蔥以加味道。最後我將解了凍的排骨切成一條條、洗乾淨、在擺入熱水♨️中煮一下（後父提醒我不要煮太久、留住排骨的精華來煲湯）、清除那些不好的東西。（實際上什麼不好的東西、我也不太清楚）

然後我在大鍋裡燒開水、後父教我放點酒、以帶出排骨的味道。放下排骨不久後、我便放下玉米、紅蘿蔔、小量姜跟蔥。一煱、準備熟。。。

煲到後期，我覺得湯不太夠甜，所以就清洗一手的花生，扔進湯里，繼續煲～ 瀟灑吧？呵呵

【番茄蛋】
這是我挺喜歡的一道菜。葉媽以前教過我一兩次、我大概記得步驟。帶著冒險精神的自己就這樣憑著自己弱爆的記憶、出發。

首先、當然是預備番茄、將之清洗完後切成大概小三角形。（後父教我如何將番茄柄出去、又學到新知識！）然後放油入鍋、預備番茄們的降臨。回憶中好像要放冰糖、但是我當時忙中有亂、完全想不起來。當將番茄擺進鍋後、我就乖乖地等幾分鐘、讓番茄軟化。然後加點水、加點鹽、直接敲蛋放蛋、來回在煱裡搞混幾次、讓蛋跟番茄融合在一起。我見水快干了、突然想起好像忘了什麼東東。結果想起了遺忘已久的冰糖！接著就將一大塊冰糖掉進煱裡。水快干掉的煱沒能力融化冰糖、我就連忙放一杯水進煱 （真失策、千萬別學！）這時我知道水放了太多、所以就蓋上煱蓋、等冰糖融化跟大量的水蒸發。。。數分鐘過後、我憑著信心打開蓋子、提出小小汁、吹一吹、嚐嚐味。感謝 神！我成功了！雖然步驟有點亂、但最後的成品還不錯、讓我想起葉媽煮的番茄加蛋。如葉媽常說的那句、過程不重要、最重要是結果、應用在我的情況裡、最適合不過了。

【翻炒雞肉】
这个最简单、我派弟弟来負責。用油翻炒剩下的雞肉、好美味！

由以往的經驗告訴我、葉媽不喜歡收禮物、她接受愛❤️的語言是高質量相處的時間跟為她服務的事情。所以弟弟跟我今年就改變了策略、改煮一個星期的晚餐加星期天生日當天來個蛋糕＋禮物＋一家人享受海鮮大餐！ 期待著、想起都感到興奮跟幸福～中國人、民以吃為先！

果然不出弟弟跟我所料、葉媽一推開門就大叫、好耶好耶、真系好耶！我那時正在廚房裡為餐菜作最後的準備、但我可以想像到葉媽開心笑著見牙不見臉的樣子！為愛付出的過程中、終然有汗水、大家都非常滿足！

沒時間照相，唯一的相片就是這吃到一半的晚餐！

Bored 悶？

竟然都動用到這詞了、看來我需要好好地反省自己現在的生活態度

每天晚睡晚起、起來就吃、吃完就躺著看電視、看完又吃、看著吃著都累了、精神也不特別好、跟上個月奔波勞動反差很大、卻覺得上個月的時間用得充實很多。現在生活沒有什麼特別嚮往的事情、就是一個等待的階段。個人的時間觀念比較弱、所以一天下來、眨眼便是黃昏了、難怪媽媽那天感嘆說：這些年時間過得真快。

以往習慣了時間表排得滿滿的、總是干這干那。現在有了幾個星期時間留在家裡、暫時什麼也不需作。學業沒壓力、工作沒壓力、家裡也沒壓力、感覺就是處於一個真空的狀態。在家裡接收到的信息不多、需要表達的也不多、所以好學的腦子也少動用。就這樣、簡簡單單的起居飲食、與家人相處的時間、讓我有那麼一點點的不知所措。講清楚了、其實是不習慣啦。不習慣長時間留在家裡。不習慣整天與家人相處。不習慣家裡的一些改變。不習慣聆聽家人的心聲。不習慣媽媽跟弟弟的相處方式。不習慣在家的自己。有很多的不習慣、一言難盡。但並非所有的不習慣都是不好的、有些只需要時間來習慣、有些不習慣、例如聆聽家人的心聲、相處言語的動作間所流露出的各種情感、跟自己在家裡的角色等等、都是一些好的「不習慣」、因它們時時提醒跟教導我如何去更愛這個家、如何與家人相處、更加地認識他們。

在過去幾天「漫無目的」的生活裡、縱然心裡還是嚮往外面生活的精彩跟節奏、但心裡卻有以微小的聲音提醒我、與家人幸福的日子並非時時都要像在外面與朋友所經歷的轟轟烈烈或多姿多彩的、而是在家人的存在的範圍內感到舒適、因他們的存在感到安穩。例如每傍晚跟弟弟媽媽到公園走走路路散散步步、享受一下查理河的風光、夕陽漸漸消失于城市大樓、聽聽媽媽的碎碎念、累了就坐在長凳上靠著媽媽漸小的身軀、摟摟她肩膀、她也趁機瞄著我被太陽嗮黑的臉、繼續她的碎碎念。。。

所以結論就是：標題為悶、是我用詞不當、心態需要調整。人很可愛、從不同的角度去看待相同的情況、結論便不再一樣。聆聽自己心靈之聲後、我除了感恩、也沒別的了。在外住久了、回家後就跟家人有代溝。個人覺得美國社會有種不太好的作風就是時間非常的task oriented 化、年輕一代都好像忘了與家人朋友一起慢慢享受面對面共處跟相處之道。至少我、是如此。希望這次反省過後、靠著聖靈的溫柔提醒、變得不再一樣吧！

加油！

無頭小雞的感嘆跟感恩～

從海地跟多明尼加共和國回來的這一個星期轉眼便過去，感覺還是有點漂漂浮浮，依然在適應中。 腦子好像未曾停過，總有好多要事等著處理，但行動上卻好像沒力量去處理好多事情，那應該是力不從心的感覺。翁燕儀，要好好休息，知道 神是掌管一切的神！

還有兩天便起飛到南非，路途遙遠，心也預備著暫時性的落地生根，但行動上。。。還未開動整理行李！哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇哇 典型的自己！但是我還等著學生visa，希望它跟護照能在星期四前順利回到我的身邊！

題外話：話說上個月的旅途中突然有好幾天非常想念中文的發音，於是瘋狂地聽中文詩歌，心裡歡喜的很。我很高興自己的第一語言為中文。中文的文字既方便又優雅。一句四字成語便能表達一個或一連串複雜及深噢的想法，真好！

星期二的晚餐，總讓我感覺到很幸福！他們為我買了大大條的白鱔，精心預備，也有最愛的椒鹽龍蝦。。。吃得飽飽的。

隨後第二次晚餐跟好友Mar一齊吃越南粉和分享近況。很久沒有見她了！每次跟她聊天感覺都很舒服，好想喝了心靈雞湯；她是一位很好的聆聽者，也給予很有用的意見跟友善的提醒。她提醒我重擔不要一個人扛，神知道一切，也願意跟我一同分擔。這真理一直都沒忘記。但從另外一個人口中說出，力量就是不一樣。嗯，我要將憂慮一一擺上交托於 神，讓他來掌管一切。Mar也問了一些很好的問題，讓我思考人生不同的選擇，嘻嘻。

很開心能夠介紹Mar給媽媽認識。她還特意學了台山話的“阿姨，你個nui 好好！” 哈哈 講得非常標準，媽媽一聽便回應 “多謝！”

＊＊＊
感恩：要融化一顆堅硬的心需要勇氣跟信心。因著愛，勇敢說出誠實話。

＊＊＊
愛 這個詞，要時刻提醒自己是一個現在進行式的動詞。無論是家人或陌生人，都要以愛的行動讓身邊的人感受到神愛的好。這幾天 神透過家人跟好友讓我清清楚楚地看見自己軟弱，有待改進的方面。剛開始連自己也感覺很難接受自己，但家人跟好友的耐心跟體諒讓我有勇氣面對軟弱，努力改進軟弱的方面。有勇敢說出誠實話家人跟朋友，真好。

Sharing Night With Friends 與可愛的朋友一同分享

For the longest time, I've always want to invite friends I met from different walks in life to share life moments together. This desire became stronger when I experienced the beauty, the challenges, and the different emotions of cross-cultural learnings in Hispaniola. I started planning and praying for the event during the silent retreat in the DR. When I returned to Boston, I was so determined to share with my friends in person about what I experienced, and more importantly, to share God's work in Haiti and the DR! That was how this event came about: a desire to share God's goodness and to be in the presence of those who care. 

Before I go on to explain into details of how everything came together, I just want to give thanks to Mako who advised me on the seasoning part of the Haitian chicken, to my mother for her generous help in food preparation, and to my little bro Jin for his superb chicken tasting skills ;)

Spiritual Preparation:
Prayers, prayers, prayers! The excitement and peace that I got when I was praying for this event really helped me carry out the event. I want more than just an event to share what I experienced during the trip. I want my sharing to be an invitation to care for our neighbors in Haiti and the DR, countries we might not paid too much attention to in the past. I also want my sharing to bring people who are passionate for social justice and faith in Jesus to witness what God is doing in Haiti and the DR through organizations like Haiti Partners and Food for the Hungry. This is just the beginning of a very exciting journey that I want to embark on with my friends who are interested!

Food Preparation:
It was my first time making Haitian Chicken and baking meat of some sort! However, I was reminded of baking ginger bread men with Jie for the Father's Day Event a few years ago: where there is a will, there is a way! Everything will turn out just fine...as it has always been!

The most enjoyable part of food preparation was putting all the mixed seasoning on top of the chicken, and the most challenging part was getting all the spices from four different supermarkets (three Chinese ones and Shaw's)!!! In the end, the Haitian Chicken was proven to be worthy of my time, money, and the efforts! :)

Preparation for the Day:
Songs (Creole, Spanish, English) and powerpoint for the songs and powerpoint for sharing!
            I had an Haitian friend who was going to help me sing the Creole song but she was unable to come on the day of the event. But my God certainly provides! One of my Hispaniola teammates Isabel came and helped! Being the musically talented girl that she is, she helped me taught my friends Loue Loue and Sean a Ti. It was so much fun! I just spontaneously used Loue Loue as the gateway to introduce how I felt during the trip when I did not know either Creole or Spanish for the entire month! I did not feel very uncomfortable, but there was a point where I was yearning for English conversations to process my thoughts. I also missed speaking Chinese and hearing Chinese sounds so much! I decided to journal in Chinese and listen to Chinese worship songs whenever I can.
           As for the powerpoint, it was a bit stressful to dig up photos from my ocean of 3,000+ photos. I was really thankful that I organized my photos into different albums so I had an easier time picking photos! As I was making the powerpoint, I was also praying for the people who would come and hear my sharing.

I looked so intense in this photo...for a worthy reason: I was explaining one of the school that Haiti Partners sponsored, the school with restavec students shown in the background of this slide. I chose this specific photo because it gives me hope. These children are receiving an education. Even if the progress may be slow and they started school late, I truly believe that education is empowerment, at any time at any place. When these Haitians find their voice and combine it with the tools they learned from school, they are going to be the future of Haiti. We must not give up on people, regardless of their age or background.

Day of the Event:
Oh man, I don't know if I should be shock or be thankful that most of my friends were so on time! I just made it to the church at 5:30pm, thanks to my lovely lady Mandy and Big T (I still find it difficult to spell your real name! haha) for transporting the food to the car and driving my lil bro and me to church!

Ice-breaker: sharing!
I really love this part where I invited my friends to share their name, how we met, and why they accepted the invitation to come. God really showed me that He is a faithful God and He has and continues to bless the relationships that I have with each person. Even for Tykhia, whom I just met through Mandy on the day of the event, we were able to share those life moments because we both knew Mandy and we are both daughters of God! I don't know how she felt about the sharing, but I am sure that God would use that event to help her grow in creative and mysterious ways.

(Mandy sharing, Tykhia and I were listening attentively!)

Learning to sing new songs in another language:
I thought it was a humble way to engage everyone. When we have a group of strangers coming together and learn something new together, there is solidarity in embracing the unknowns. That was how I felt when I went with the American team and the ADEE Dominican Team to Haiti. When we got to Haiti, I felt so much closer to the ADEE team despite the fact that we can't communicate that well. We all have to abandon the comfort zone of Knowing and embrace the Unknown: Haitian culture and Haitian Creole. Songs are always a very good bridge for cross-cultural interactions.

I also enjoyed the part where Isabel explained the lyrics to my friends. It added so much meaning to what we were singing. I personally love good lyrics more than good music. So to know what I was singing encouraged me to sing with more of my soul than just my voice. 

Sharing Trip Itinerary through Powerpoint: I was too excited to share so I started to get into details on my first slide of introduction. My bad! hahahaha. Anyway, I was really glad to walk my friends through Santo Domingo, DR -> Leogane, Haiti -> Port-Au-Prince, Haiti -> Elias Pina, DR & Haiti Border -> Retreat Center, DR -> Santo Doming, DR. (More details and photos to come in new posts) 

My favorite part of sharing was sharing about the U.S. Farm Bill and how it affects third world countries like Haiti. (Wikipedia) I am personally still new to the topic, but I was glad that my friends would ask many good questions and try to answer them. I will write more in depth in another post.

Here is a summary: The U.S. Farm Bill provides billions of dollars in subsidies for US farmers for their crop. This was originally intended to allocate excess crops and to control food supply during the Great Depression. In recent years, US rice has been exported to Haiti, a country with low tariff for imported goods (an agreement between the UN and back-then Haitian President in 1994). Haiti was self-sufficient in its rice production until the 1980s, when the US flooded Haiti with cheap rice imports. When the local Haitians farmers are unable to compete with cheap US subsidized rice, they eventually have to abandon their farm land and move to the capital, Port-Au-Prince, to seek for jobs. As many people might already know, there are not many jobs available in the capital and it is already over-population with migration, many Haitians are forced to move to the DR to seek for job.

Below is a photo of our night reflection in Leogane, Haiti. Our director Mako pulled out a bag of rice from the kitchen of the place where we were staying. The discussion that night was intense, as was my brain. It was a huge "OH WOW" moment for me as someone who lives in the US and visiting Haiti. (I will dedicate a whole new post to address this topic!)

Time flies when we have a good time ya? or is it just because someone talks too much? Haha. Either way, after I went over the trip outline, I quickly shared how God's story in the bible calls us to bring justice to the world. I also shared my personal story of encountering social injustice and joining God's mission to restore social justice. My point was very simple: God is still in control. I was very privilege to learn and to be part of His mission of sharing His love and justice in this world. I wanted to challenge my friends to think about their personal stories, whether that story includes their first time encountering God, or that was a story of their encounters with social injustice... there is a bigger picture outside of our personal experience that we shall explore.

After the sharing, we quickly transitioned to dinner! I was so hungry!!! Except for the Haitian Chicken being a bit/too spicy for some, I guess everyone enjoyed their food. :) It was so rewarding to be able to cook for my friends! I loved it when I saw the food disappearing from the dishes!!! Towards the end, I was also able to share Mako's poem "SWEAT" with my friends. It provided a very unique perspective into our trip and links it back to Jesus' sweat of love! I am sure my friends all appreciated it, especially the poetic ones (ahem AJ*). To close the evening, we sang "Sean a Ti" and "God will make a way", to lift up to God all the goodness, and remember that God will always make a way for us, for my Haitian friend Miranda, and for everyone.

At the end, I was also thankful for the hands who helped setting up the tables, playing the powerpoint, serving the food, taking photos, taking down the tables, cleaning the dishes and everything that I did not even notice!

*Love you all so much! When I was preparing for this event, I experienced the joy of preparing a meal and something good for others. That was my joy of service. The fact that you guys so voluntarily helped me made me felt so love. I felt served and it felt sooooooo good! Thank you for reciprocating the service and love! #fellowship*  

Tykhia, Lizzie, Big T, Jin, Ruo, David, Tony, AJ

Fly, Joe, Jodi, Sara, Christie, Isabel, Me, Mandy, Meihua

honorary Wendee and Gina ;)

亂中有序

一個禱告暫時沒看到現狀的改變，卻即時改變了自我的心態。那是一種禱告更強大的力量。

我深信，生命中亂中有序。煩惱少不了，壓力也免不了，但是，靠著那賜給我力量平安的 主，凡事都能作。賞賜的是耶和華，收取的也是耶和華。將來的這兩個星期，禱告不能懶惰，要時時倚靠 主，以信心過每一天。

耶和華是我生命中不可缺少的序。

今天的搞笑语录

“医生说我体重跟高度一样。。。” 

她晚饭期间随意地分享

“你知道那是什么形状吗？” 

可恶的我有点放过不了这机会

“正方形啊 我决定要减10磅。。。” 

讲完后我们两哈哈大笑

#我有一位超可爱的mama

"Office, Office" 

Little girl happily runs into the office (note: with a small "o")

"My name is not Office, I am Yanyi, Yan-Yee" 

I smiled and tried to her help pronounce my name

"Office, I need help" 

Little Girl's big brother, Little Boy walks in, addressing Office

"She's not Office... She's Yanyi..." 

Little Girl corrected her Big Brother

~Good Girl~

#Kids=Joy

工作之樂：二 分享之樂

圍著簡單的餐桌

大家享用著自備的晚餐

小孩子打打鬧鬧

小孩子蹦蹦跳跳

他哭著要玩吉他

他淡定地等媽媽

時玩捉迷藏

時搶我西瓜

各國不同的口音

如同音樂交響曲

心裡有一種安穩

來自與人的融合

她與陌生人分享了晚餐

露出簡單的笑容

*******

我的工作不易也不難，就是學益良多。

要跌倒了，才能從不同的角度看人生。

人其實很堅強
在一無所有的時候仍然願意付出，

那是心靈的純潔，發自內心的愛。

這愛來得自然
不用逼，不用勸，不用問，
只要
對方
開懷
接受
便可

工作之樂 （-）

俗語說，讀萬卷書不如行萬里路。
作為學生的我時間有限，所以先工作五千小時，讀書五千卷，也先走了26.2英里，再继续走萬里路。呵呵

近半年來一直為一個目標奮鬥：儲蓄零用錢供自己到南非讀書

說起也有趣。神讓我有機會同時參與了四份不同的part-times。而且每份都有很好的學習機會，工作時間表可以自己安排，也完全吻合我的興趣愛好。以下是一些有趣難忘或學益良多的故事或感悟。記下來往後回看，為生活增添多一分感恩跟多一個微笑。 （人太長氣了，只有時間先寫了一份part-time的經歷）

翻譯的不僅是語言，而是言語間傳達不了的情緒
感謝神回應了我想要跟媽媽有更多的相處時間。半年前剛剛到媽媽的工作地方作翻譯，大開眼界。第一次見證了媽媽十多年來一直工作的地方，感覺既陌生也熟悉。看著工廠裡的機器將一排一排的海軍服傳來傳去，人們拿到那帥氣的海軍服時彷彿已忘了那些留下無形手印的階層工人，齊心合力地將一線一布做成一件又一件的成品。老闆自豪的同時，最大的功勞歸於每位用心用力低頭苦幹的工人跟管工。很難想像有機會跟媽媽在同一個地方工作，這種感覺很奇妙。多年來供應我吃喝玩樂的資源就憑媽媽的努力從這地方得來的。縱然間中聽說過有淚水也有歡樂的大大小小故事，媽媽還是喜歡在這里工作。做著自己在當初中國學到的一門手藝，內向的她不用多與人交流，還有懂的自己語言的同事們，其實她已經很滿足了。有人可能會覺得每天如一的工作很單調無趣，包括我自己在內。現在的我有了一點點不一樣的想法。每天如一的工作之樂因人而異。媽媽的生活享受那種變動不大的工作。每天雖做著相似的工作，但這工作的性質給於她需要的寧靜跟安穩。難怪多年來一直覺得她非常spiritual。肯定是每天都有做reflections。

我的責任就是每個星期五幫助中國員工（全廠的一半工人）作翻譯，將員工手冊譯成中文，翻譯一些零碎的通告，跟派薪水給員工們（這部分最爽！好像每個星期五都派獎一樣）。話說辦公室裡的人個個都非常獨特,好像電影裡那些奇形怪狀卻身懷絕技的武林高手。這形容一點也不誇張。因著我一直都在翻譯員工手冊，所以我學會了要避忌透露於公司相關的資料，也要尊重別人的形象。要不然，我一定會描述每一位同事跟他們的工作風格和習慣。

其實我工作的性質不怎麼興奮，挑戰性也不大，畢竟我也只是一個part-time的翻譯。但我非常享受與同事們之間的相處方式。大老闆非常注重營造家庭式的工作環境，所以大家的辦公室門總是打開，每位同時經過也微笑點頭打招呼。大家整天開玩笑，相處得非常好。我初來報到他們已經我當作自己人，好吃的一起分享，禮品也常常每人一份，笑話一同抱肚大笑，完全沒有上司跟下屬的隔膜。每個星期五上班時間自定，最適合我這個老是遲到沒有時間觀念的人不過。每次一進辦公室就會跟前抬超搞笑的秘書S聊聊天，然後到辦公室用電腦翻譯員工手冊，累了就自定小息，上上網，夢遊一下。中午時刻媽媽準時送上美味的一飯一送一湯，每週都不同款不過同樣好吃，這是我工作最嚮往的時刻，哈哈哈。有時用餐中跟同事吹吹水，更加深入認識認識。兩點多便下一樓的廠地派紅包（開玩笑，派薪水啦）。前前後後跟300多人用英文，中文，西班牙打完招呼後，每天四點準時跟媽媽一同下班回家。這就是我每週五的工作之樂。

其實我想寫這篇日誌是因為上個星期五有了很有趣的經歷，所以好想記下來。話說人事部上司週四晚上致電給我，提醒我要穿得專業一點，還告訴我可能要為一名來自中國的商人作翻譯。我當天晚上就即興奮又緊張。臨時還在腦子裡複習了一些關於製衣的中文單詞，以免出錯或口啞啞緊張翻譯不出來。我自己尷尬還好，掉了公司的面子就不好了嘛。週五回到辦公室時，上司告訴了我客戶的名字。我突然愣了一下，那姓氏好像是日本姓氏，共有三個音，除非客戶是在中國出生或長大或到中國留學的學生。後來上司查查地址，才搞清楚客戶是來自日本東京。當時有一點點心放下心頭大石的感覺，因為心想不用我翻譯了。呵呵。後來客戶到來時我還是被召了去招待那客戶。那時未來老闆跟大老闆都還沒進來，只有市場策劃經理M跟我這位毫無正式社會工作經歷的小小員工一同招待客戶共進午餐。客戶穿得非常隆重，頭髮梳得亮亮發光，身穿全套西裝加黃色領帶，左邊口袋裡還插著白色的手巾。不知是誰想吃免費午飯，招待一個客戶竟然叫了十份多分不同的外賣套餐。剛享受完媽媽午餐的我不好意思只看著客戶一個人享用他的午餐，所以我也隨便夾幾片蔬菜做零食。我們聊著聊著，老老闆（公司創辦人）一走進們便開玩笑不停。雖然開頭搞了個笑話，因著接錯信息，以為客戶來自中國，但老老闆見過世面，為人機智幽默也非常隨和，所以一兩句就成功換了話題繼續聊天。我們談了好多些話題，包括以資訊量極大地溝通了有兩間公司的成長歷史，當前的運作，跟產品的質量。我坐在客戶最左邊一直聆聽著，心裡不停提醒自己不要隨便作聲，適當時才參與話題。當中發現其實先前也沒有什麼好緊張地，就好好地聊個天，享受這次交流的機會便可。從前我會總覺得這樣的生意會議是非常沉悶的，但那天的經歷讓我覺得非常有趣。同時也學會了很多做生意的思維。我最享受的話題是討論日本的捧球，跟世界各地的經濟。平時慣看的BCC新聞終於可以用上場了。我喜歡與來自不同文化的人交談，縱然只有那麼一次，我們也可以互相學習。難怪老老闆做了這麼多年退了休依然回來上班。

未來老闆進來後很快便當臨時導遊帶同客戶一起到工廠裡看看場地，成品，和專屬的服裝店。遊了大概一個多小時後，我感覺對工廠又有了新的認識跟尊重。個人最喜歡的部分是介紹海軍服及於設計師聊天的時候。兒時自己有個夢想當設計師，看到H在背後的付出真的很敬佩她的工作能力跟創新能力。由設計師的繪畫設計，選色料，到板房提料跟大量複製，到工廠一車位一車位地將一塊平凡的布料一針一線地縫成型，再後期剪線，再包裝運輸。整個過程就好像生小孩一般。這生產的過程雖艱鉅，也需要大家同心合作，但也充滿了生機，養活了好多人。未來老闆仍在接班之際所以正學習著如何管理工廠。平時為人作風跟老老闆不太一樣，話不多也常跟員工打招呼，沒有那麼深受員工的支持跟寵愛。但我覺得他那天表現得很好。從談判合作合同，堅定地保留底線，還有溝通的方法都非常明確。那天的經歷讓我也多認識了他的為人跟作風。唯一一點我覺得還可以改善的就是使用我教他的那句“不要摸我的鬍子don;t t0uch my mustache” 即日語的“不客氣”。他太害羞了，怕說錯，所以不敢/不想說。當我跟客戶開玩笑分享的時候，我們大家都呵呵大笑起來！場面一點也沒有電影裡的場景那麼嚴肅。呵呵。 （我想太多了）

剛進公司的時候，我怎麼也想不到會學習到那麼多於人事部相關的知識。我大學專業學的是應用心理學，也包括人事資源部方面的應用。想不到我竟然可以將我所學的應用在工作裡，感覺還不錯的！翻譯四十多頁的員工手冊雖然聽起來非常死板跟鬱悶，但我從中學習了很多離我課本以外老遠的知識，也能夠整體性認識一個公司的誕生成型，內部處理方式，員工與工會的關係，員工的權利等等。另外我也經常自己查電腦讀關於某個陌生單詞或構思的來源，讓學習變得更加豐富。意想不到能夠跟大老闆和未來老闆一同招待客戶，也近距離旁聽他們談生意的過程。那是一次非常可貴的經歷。那天我可是張開了耳朵，盡情盡量地學習。客戶臨別時很禮貌地給每人半鞠躬跟雙手呈上了他的名片，日本人真有禮貌，讓我想起了高中日語老師。臨別時，老老闆對我說，“good job, young lady" 雖然我沒有要求什麼回報，只珍惜學習的機會（畢竟我到月尾就不能再工作要預備去其他國家了），但得到一位我尊敬的老老闆的一句話，我感到很興奮。當然，有一個人比我更加興奮：同樣尊重老老闆，我的媽媽！

A Daring Adventure It Is

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”- Helen Keller

Read an article this morning and a word popped up in my mind that got me really excited: thriving. It has been long since I feel this sense of passion and excitement to embark on a new journey, new project. I am starting now. Get ready, Self for the ups and the downs, most important, for the daring adventure that is awaiting ahead! :)

媽 媽 跟 我 我 跟 媽 媽

最近在手語課看了一部電影叫作 "Love Is Never Silent"。故事講述了一個有正常聽力的女孩為聾啞父母作外界的橋梁，事事都要為他們作翻譯。小時候女孩的弟弟不幸過世，女孩還要為聾啞父母作翻譯，與賣商討論應買那具棺材。因著貧窮，女孩還要為父母懇求賣商算便宜一點。長大後，女孩的每時每刻依然圍繞著父母。即使有男孩想要跟女孩拍拖，她也因著家裡的情況而拒絕了男孩。男孩沒有放棄。女孩最後也鼓起勇氣，活出自己一直嚮往的獨立生活。女孩的父母認為女孩背叛了他們，不再愛護家了。後來女孩在父母憤怒的抗議下依然跟男孩結了婚，生了一小寶貝。小寶貝成為了新橋梁，女孩的父母也原諒了女孩。女孩的母親在片尾還分享了非常動人垂淚的心底話。

看著看著電影，心裡響起了無數的共鳴。在自己的成長過程中，我也是家與外界的橋梁。長大了，依然掙扎著如何平衡支持家人跟自己獨立的生活。如果那天我真的需要暫時離開，並不代表我不愛這家了；暫時的離開只為更好的自己，將來更好地愛護這家。如果那天我跟家人反對的人談戀愛談到了談婚論嫁的程度，我也要為著自己著想，活出自己嚮往的生活。但願多年後能像女主角一樣，得到家人的體諒跟祝福。

很多年前有位導師問了我，
妳是妳母親嗎？
不是，妳需要自己的人生生活。
她跟妳只是母女關係，
妳要好好地為自己著想。

從前我不同意，認為這樣是不乖不孝的心態。
現在很多的責任讓我感到有點窒息；
她愛我是因為她想我開心。我保護她也是想讓她開心。
但是我不能忘記，我也要愛我自己才能愛家人。

因著上述原因，我去南非讀書，非走不可。

同工

你來我往
奇妙同工
我願你意
喜樂無窮

過去一小時完成了明天要交的手語功課
讀一篇關於特殊教育的文章寫個人感想

興奮寫作
過程愉快
驅除眼睏
振作心靈

突然想到與 神同工的奇妙
祂帶路，我跟隨
有時，太多的選擇反而會偏行己路
祢繼續帶領，我交上心一步一步跟隨

My passions belong to You, my Lord.

爱，永不止息

永             不                  止                         息
年  复  一  年  ， 日  复  一  日
时  间  再  长  ，空  间  再  大
依 依 不 舍，心 心 相 印
永 不 止 息 

俗语常说，爱如细水长流
纵然海枯石烂，地老天荒，也永不止息
从前我以为这些都是古人夸大般的爱情
即使圣经常常提到
我也不知道是否每一根骨头都相信这爱情
有时候活得越久却越确定只是头脑的认知
Theory 跟 experience 还有好些距离
直到某时某刻
好像突然想通了一点点
这里一点点 那里一滴滴
回头一看
原来远在天边近在眼前
她一直以来都在以身作则
教导我爱的功课
让我见证最纯洁最真挚的爱
多年来从不变改
即使倚靠过别人
唯一就是唯一
唯一仍然唯一
无  可  取  替
提及爱人仍牵起喜怒哀乐
像未曾分离过一样
时间失去了以往的限制

他们的爱
付出得义无反顾
他们的爱
最后坚持了下来
他们的爱
病魔死神也夺不走
他们的爱
每天每天都在酝酿着我跟小弟成长

有一天
如在天堂相聚
我话不多说
给我们一个大大的拥抱
让我同样地感受到
爱 永无止息
便可

小时候，小时候，小时候

小时候为了不想背书就好奇要当老师
长大以后大学专业怎么都离不开教育
小时候好奇弹弦发出不同奇妙的音符
长大后机缘巧合下有幸拥有吉他一把

小时候。。。
（刚才在公司里想到的这句感觉好幸福 现在竟然忘记了！哎呀~）
小时候。。。
想起来了！=D

小时候自封为芭比的专属时装设计师
长大以后的现在为军服制衣厂作翻译

就是说嘛
小朋友d好奇心
还真强大咧
就算不能预知未来
也足以为未来导航

窝心友人

Spring Break分别与几位好友相聚，鼓励良多。

S主内姊妹
神要祝福的友谊，必长存。
在世难得几知己，心满意足。
畅谈过去，近况，将来。
Kairos 意为God's timing，
在我们的相处里无时间观念，
只活在 神的时间里。
话不多说，心照就好，期待续。

A高中Fighta伙伴
我们不常聊天，更不常分享心里话。
这跟我接收爱跟给予爱的方式刚好相反。
有时我会想，那关系因什么维系着呢？
人生的经历吧。
四年的高中生活，三年的CSA暑假经验，
时间，包容及坚持让我们一起继续成长。
她是我一位非常非常慢热的朋友；
我们以往可以谈论各种各样的话题，
唯独内心的感受。
最近这次相处，还真的发现大家的性格就好像阴跟阳。
我极度依赖感觉直觉，她总逻辑篇篇。
值得欢喜的是，我们愿意去聆听对方，尝试懂得对方。
从高中生到大学生，
她跟我都慢慢迈向我们性格的成熟点，
这让我想起从前思考过的问题。。。
一定要事事都“合嘴形”同声同气才能成为好友吗？
答案应该是不，
只要双方有信赖跟愿意付出的心，
我们的友谊便能维系着。
友好的关系都因爱而生因爱而活吧。

I友谊从青少年中心开始。。。
诚恳大方，乐意助人，任劳任怨
这些都是他的优点。
好些年过去了，
我也忙着忙着就失去了联系。
再次见面，
发现他比我更懂得珍惜这份友谊。
感谢他以实际行动来提醒我，
不要紧，我们的友谊不会因时间而改变。
我依然感谢你对我生命的影响。
那刻我心里赞美 神。
当遇到友谊的盲点，
他诚恳的话语让我再次看清大家的关系，
而他也一直都有被我们的友谊祝福着。
有时，我非常感谢像他这样的友人，
不需要期待太多的回报或付出，
爱着我这朋友。
我好省力气呀！哈哈哈 ：P

谈谈近况（寫了一半，未寫到。。。将来）

最上一次寫心情已是兩個月前的事了。其間經歷了或多或少，有漂洋過海的，有原地紮根的，有糾結的，有開懷的，有坦誠相對的，有承擔責任的，有下定決心的，也有猶猶豫豫的。一番風浪過後，風浪依然。總之，但求好好地像神一般地愛自己愛身邊的人，心靜如鏡地成風破浪去吧。

1／4－1／10 Jamaica 牙買加Immersion之旅

所謂的immersion，就是身心靈都盡情投入，接收跟接受當地的人氣跟地氣。所謂的人氣，就是當地人的思想行為，言行舉止，相處之道。地氣便是一切因地方環境而形成的社會文化風氣。這旅途幸有M神父這位土生土長的牙買加人相伴，讓經歷更加深刻。詳情就不多寫了，點點滴滴地記載在自己手寫的日記本里便足夠。分享大概行程跟幾個深刻的故事吧。

大概的行程：

因著雪暴，行程減少了一天。即使如此，也影響不了我們興奮的行程。剛下飛機的時候，暖氣湧面而來包圍了我們，汗不停地往下流。踏上巴士，同行的十五人便嘰嘰喳喳聊起來。不時地指指窗外的藍天白雲配加勒比海，奇特的屋子加前院一群群的山羊，小朋友們在炎熱的空地裡走來走去。 。 。

聽說當地人非常熱情好客，即使自己擁有的不多，也總將最好的介紹給外人。這跟中國文化還挺相似的。第一天到達就感受到了這種熱情，因為我們一下巴士便跟著“陌生人”home stay host family去他們家過夜。因著我的host family 臨時有公事要留在加拿大不能回來了，我跟同行友人J便與跟她的好友妹妹跟鄰居相處了一天一夜。我喜歡這樣的相處方式，好友鄰居一家親。我有事，你幫忙看家接待客人。六歲的小女孩可愛地跟她奶奶說：“Let me go home clean myself and take care of the Chinese girl." 我很意外地發現，原來牙買加有很多中國人，在很早期便到島上做生意了。當地人稱所有的亞洲人為“Chinaman”。這詞聽上去或許有點刺耳，但正如大多數中國人都只稱皮膚較黑的人為黑人（說得難聽一點“黑鬼”）或非洲人，其實大家都有很大的學習空間好好反省自己的一詞一句。

第一天就在享受著美味的Jerk Chicken，享受著當地著名的冰淇淋，享受著與host family’s friends一步一步地漫游街道中度過。臨睡的當晚，面對著青色的客房，想著一天下來所看到的色彩屋子，人們熱情的笑容；聽著窗外傳來幾條家犬的呼吸聲，禱告中感謝 神，我的心感覺到好踏實。牙買加讓我想念起家鄉台山。

接下來的一個星期行程很緊密：

•  參加過當地最大的mass
  教堂很莊嚴，老老少少都很投入；唱歌時的我不能不想著站在我身後的一排小孩子們。他們都是HIVpositive被遺棄的小孩子，他們住在教堂旁邊的孤兒院。那是我第一次近距離跟他們接觸，心裡感觸很大。同為按著 神的樣式創造的人，我的心因著他們的境況而激動。同時也為世人罪的後果而感到憤怒。而我要時刻提醒自己，可憐與憐憫的區別，憤怒與罪跟人的區別。那時時間還早，陽光從窗子的裂縫強烈地照著我前面老太太的頭上，彷彿在提醒我，希望依在。
  
• 探望過M神父的小學跟中學
  有時候在美國讀書卻忘記了珍惜讀書的機會跟其意義。在牙買加貧區的小朋友們，個個都擁有著強烈的好奇心好學心。當我跟友人B教他們中文跟法文時，他們可興奮得不得了。（To be continued...）
  
• 與103歲的老人家聊天剪頭髮剃“蘇”
  剛踏進老人院就傳來一股非常難聞的味。自然心理反應是有點反抗，怎麼留在這裡跟老人家交流呢？其實是自己意志軟弱了！在眾老里，有一位個子特別瘦小的老人家坐在一旁，等待著修髮。我過去跟老人家聊天，他的英文有濃厚的鄉音，有點難明白。我只能禮貌地不斷點頭微笑。當我跟他眼神交流時，我看到了一位非常活潑的小孩住在他年老的身軀里。那時候我就在想，即使他年輕的時候是個大惡人，歲月的洗禮讓他慢慢變得依賴別人。人到了接近生命的盡頭，他一生所犯過的一切過錯都是他與 創造者之間的事情了。在我們短暫的人生交叉路中，我那刻需要做的事情就是盡力的幫助他。他費了很大的勁告訴我他名叫William，他的阿姨嫁給了一位Chinaman叫“偉宗”。聽到我可樂了，笑個不停！
  
• 緊抱過身體不便的小女孩
  第一次走進一張一張的大木床，每張木床上都躺著一個殘疾身體不便的小朋友。我走到了一個女孩子前，她的頭部大得讓脖子也動不了，身體也扭曲，一個人整天就趴在床上，只能眼睛一碌一碌地看著周圍。我心想，你累嗎？自己當時心裡非常糾結。我想作特殊教育的老師，卻因別人某些身體的缺陷而感到害怕不敢接觸。這想法讓我心感慚愧。當我跟女孩A溝通不了時，我給她唱起了“Jesus loves you this I know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, we are weak but He is strong." 那刻我心裡就想，我沒有甚麼能夠給妳，只有為妳唱歌，讓妳知道，Jesus 愛妳。我深信Jesus 這名字的力量。我深信耶穌的愛能跨過身體的限制，滲入人心及靈魂深處。唱著唱著，女孩A的眼睛一直直視著我，彷彿對我說，燕儀，我沒甚麼可以給妳。。。或許她不知道的是，那天她教會了我 to just be. Just be myself. 其實，很多時候我們去做義工，我們幫助別人，都是因為我們潛意識里想得到某種回報。在別人對我們的付出沒有反應也不能回報我們時，我們會否變得躁急不耐煩了呢？個人覺得給予的心態很重要，我學會了耐心地愛護那女孩。即使她不能給我甚麼反應或回報，我也要盡力的去愛她。正如103歲的William 一樣，這女孩A的生命都很依賴別人。M神父在當晚的reflection提醒我們，有些人的缺陷弱點是外在的，像William像女孩A，他們無法掩飾自己的缺陷。而我們很多時候都盡所能力去遮蓋自己心裡隱形的缺陷，過著不自由的生活。他鼓勵我們要努力去面對自己的缺陷，真誠地生活。。。Amen
  
• 聽過Dr.Jerkins分享她在牙買加里面對信心跟現實的挑戰
• 羨慕過M神父好友M為保護GLBT團體犧牲般的精神
• 享受過Mr.C老師與他學生們為我舉辦的個人音樂會
• 見證過兩國一同唱國歌時的harmony，讓我喜樂淚水下個不停～感動呀！
• 體驗過露天的Karaoke
• 認識了聰明過人的十六歲

越寫越多的回憶湧上心頭。。。
原本寫一兩個小時變了幾個小時。
是時候休息了，明天再續！