Fasting

I never seriously fast before.
During my devotion tonight, I had an epiphany to fast- in order to have more quiet time to pray to God. I want to seek more of God's presence in my life, and in my prayer. While doing devotion tonight, I came upon the same scripture twice, one in English and in Chinese:

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31

但 那 等 候 耶 和 华 的 必 从 新 得 力 。 他 们 必 如 鹰 展 翅 上 腾 ； 他 们 奔 跑 却 不 困 倦 ， 行 走 却 不 疲 乏 。-以 賽 亞 書 40:31

Was I tired physically? Nope. But I was indeed wearied, spiritually. Things that make me weary are not physical things, they are emotional burdens that I have to deal with. I got this even more when my period is here. I am not going into details about these burdens, but I want to emphasize the reason why I become weary- I become weary when I begin to depend on myself... when I depend on myself to take care of the emotional burdens, when I depend on myself to fix my own problems, when I decided to take that chance to depend on myself without God's help... I become weary instantly. I know it, I know it all these times yet I still choose to depend on myself many times. This is human nature, isn't it?

Jesus taught me to live a humble life when He lowers himself from Heaven and died on the cross for me. I know I am supposed to lift up myself to Him because I am faithful that He will take care of me. But at times when I am spiritually weak, I have little faith. I begin to take everything upon myself and do things my way, the way I wanted so I can feel ownership over my life. The act of taking back that onwership is foolish because it has been proven so so so many times that God's way are WAYYYYY better than my way, His thoughts are wayyyyy wiser than my thoughts! How is a clay going to paint herself with colors that she does not even know? Only the artistic clay-maker knows what's best for the clay, for He make the clay with his own hand and has a purpose for it.

Why does God's Word appeal to some people and not others? Those who believes God seeks Him wholeheartedly in spirit and in love. That's when God's power pour upon them and make Himself known through His words. Today's devotion emphasizes on "Waiting Prayer"- waiting upon God's very presence in your prayer and strengthen you with the power of the Holy Spirit. In Chinese church, we do not talk about the Holy Spirit a lot due to cultural background. However, Holy Spirit is indeed so true. Holy Spirit is my guidance and my friend... He has that voice to guiding me to the right path. He voice is always so gentle and patient, but it is for those who seeks Him wholeheartedly will identify His voice and hold on to His strength to overcome whatever obstacle one is facing.

So let me relate back to my decision of fasting. I always have a strong desire for food, especially meat. After spending my daily devotion time praising God, reading His Words as well as related devotional books that draw me closer to Him, I continued to read my "Blueprint" by Jaeson Ma. In this chapter, he talks about "Waiting Prayer". While reading, I felt a strong desire to just put away everything to seek God. That's is when I decided to fast for tomorrow. I was going to do it until Sunday, but that would be unrealistic for me in terms of health. Then I pray to God that I would fast for a day first. I want to use this fasting time to seek God, and to experience the detachment for my desire for meat. Then I set a second spiritual discipline for myself: to wake up early in the morning to pray to God. I want to start off the day with a prayer to my beloved God, the One whom I want to have a closer relationship with.

Discipline would be my personal theme word for 2011, just as courage was my personal theme word for 2009-2010.