twisted ankle from Friday,
stomachache from Sunday...
this is physically painful weekend.
here I am,
on a sunny afternoon,
laying on bed,
staring at the blue sky and sunshine,
through the window, in admiration;
how much I wish I could go for a walk,
only too weak to move.
my mind has been thinking,
it is always in thinking mode,
only today I got more in mind.
this morning I went to visit Dad
at Ying Foo Cemetery.
On our way there,
mom talked Dad as a skillful hunter.
Yup, credits to him,
I used to ate snake soup almost everyday!
I missed Dad.
Eight years has passed,
his face is still clear in my mind.
Though some memories began to hide,
I am determined to keep it in every way possible.
Paint it, write it, record my voice with it...
love it, love him.
Dad's name is Zhi Qin Weng.
Zhi, stands for ambition.
Qin, stands for hard working.
Weng, my precious family name.
Dad was born in 1961,
the same year my church BCEC was found.
Second oldest son in the family,
he was my grandmother's favorite.
Mother fell in love with him when she was 20.
first love.
first marriage.
first child.
first daughter.
Tall, but not unreachable height.
used to sit on his shoulder as a child,
proud, peaceful, priceless.
two thick black eye brows under a big forehead,
Guess who I inherit my beautiful eyebrows?
Love it when he called me Ngee.
It is short for daughter,
and my name Taishanese for Yi.
Mother said no matter what he wears,
he always looked handsome.
Indeed, no doubt about it.
When he smiles, lines form around his mouth.
when I look into the mirror,
I could see Dad.
The last time we had an argument,
I locked myself in the bathroom.
It was in apartment A504.
My grandparents old apartment.
He came to knock on the door,
no response.
He knocked again.
Still silence.
If I knew what will happen in a month,
I would not be so immature.
I would not have that time wasted,
whether if its minutes or even seconds.
End of 2003,
he called me out of my room,
and gave me a red envelope in advance.
It was about three weeks before our farewell.
It was at apartment 606.
It was a 5 US Dollar.
After I received the red envelope,
I also received words. precious words.
our SECRET.
only belongs to Dad and Ngee.
Few weeks later,
Mom, Dad, Jin and I hugged in a circle,
for the first time, I saw tears dropping from Dad's weary eyes.
it was already midnight,
but we were all wide awake.
Few minutes later,
Mom and Dad left the apartment,
where he never return.
Mom, Jin and I also left the apartment,
never wanting to return.
Let me confess something,
I returned.
I returned to that apartment
alone.
i revisited it several times,
in my memory;
way before everything turned blurry.
I am sure Mom did too.
Probably more frequent than I did.
I remember the numerous nights
of myself yearning for Dad's presence.
I remember silently I paint my face
with tears drops
of love.
Don't get me wrong,
crying does not mean sadness, or broken heart.
They were cries of joy, appreciation...
and most important of all: LOVE.
No one can change the past,
but everyone can change the present.
Dad reminded me the most of Jesus' love, His sacrificial love.
A year before we came to America,
Dad knew something was wrong with his body.
Without paying any close attentions to care for himself,
nor go to a doctor's check up,
He bought an airplane ticket and flied back home.
still careless about his health condition,
He picked us up immediately,
for he knew he did not have much time left,
for he knew if he were discovered with cancer,
there is nearly zero chance he could leave U.S. and get us to America.
My Dad was a hero. and he still is. and forever will be.
He loves us so dearly that he risked his life for Mom, Jin and me.
So that even if he passes away, we will have greater opportunity of living a better life.
In similar way,
Jesus loves us so dearly that he died on the cross for us, all of us.
Once and for all.
No man on earth is so perfect as Jesus.
No man has conquered death as Jesus did.
Jesus was a hero. and he still is. and forever will be.
Everyone is capable of unconditional love, sacrificial love,
but not everybody recognize where this love come from.
God is love,
love casts away fear,
there's no fear in God.
I am grateful for my life,
for this priceless life that two men sacrificed for.
Dad and Heavenly Father! I love you and miss you!
I will make you proud by living a meaningful life,
loving others, serving others, and inspiring others!
:)
