轻松学期尾

室友因为复习、所以凌晨归来凌晨又走人

燕仪因为空闲、所以要找事干竟然还失眠

当同学们进入期末考都紧张得凌晨猛喝咖啡时、我今年的课程已经完成了一半。上个星期将画画班跟video arts class  都搞定。这个星期一个考试。。。我还是我、不到紧急关头、爆发不出动力、turn on crisis mode 复习 呵呵

就这样、这几天都过得异常的轻松。

面对着毕业礼的来临、心情好像BC shuttle bus 在凌晨直奔heartbreak hill到Newton campus的那种飘移的感觉。好像司机开得不耐烦了、只想赶快到达目的地、完事下班去。而心情复杂的乘客、惊讶时间为何过得快之际、也为能尽快到达目的地而兴奋。

这一个学期连修三堂艺术科、非传统画画班、非主流视频制作、和陶制。另加一堂特殊教育课程。一个学期下来、最喜欢非传统画画班跟非主流视频制作。口味就是这样、总爱从奇奇怪怪的角度去学习新的skills。前者让我们每堂课都学习一个宗教传统艺术的属性、然后用自己的创意画出专属的解释。期间每周还少不了读上十几页文章、再写读后感的文章。这学期画了不少圣人、从印度教、到伊斯兰教、到佛教、到东方跟西方的基督教、一路下来好像周游了很多名胜古迹、从艺术的角度尝试领悟每个宗教历代遗传下来的传统、修炼之人如何透过艺术的渠道通往他们所信的神。我个人印象最深刻的便是基督徒Paul Tillich写的那片作文。他说、art is the means to  achieve ultimate reality. 而他所指的ultimate reality、好便是我所信的创造主、自有永有的神。我深信每个人都有创造能力、因为我们都来自创造者。而我们的想像力便是创造力的养份、透过身边的工具跟学来的技巧、将构思转化成艺术品。很多人能够搞出让人感到惊叹、惊讶、或惊喜的艺术品、却很少人有心做出一些对社会有贡献的作品。我不想为了艺术而精心投注于艺术、我的艺术品必不能只为了感官上的满足、而忽裂了艺术对我本身而言的意义、那便是、它有着挑战人们的思想公义的能力、也带领着人们注目于生命中可贵的领域、这些领域最终投向的便是天堂、神的家。

这种艺术的态度跟信念、也是支撑我学习非主流视频的backbone。虽然遇到不少困难、挫折、从当初就连什么叫Premiere也不懂到后来完成了期末制成品、让老师跟同学们都因着视频中提及的事情而身同感受、也开矿了眼界。那是靠着神、靠着祷告、靠着不言弃的精神、靠着“玩命赌博”的态度、全力付出而得来的果实、何等甘甜。

好了今天就分享到这。天色渐亮、眼睛盯着细小屏幕上不到font5的小小字也是都累了。

圣经说、不可停止聚会。我模范一下金句、提醒自己、不可停止写作。这是我大学毕业“成年”所谓的正式踏入社会后、需要紧急坚持的一件事情！

各位、早安。

The Power of Past Stories: Proud of UCT

If I have been dragging myself out of bed lately, this morning was an exception. I almost literally jumped out of bed, for I felt so frustrated with a social media comment.

I've been following the Rhodes Must Fall movement since it first started. I heard of it when I was at UCT 5 months ago. As the movement got more public attention, I was able to get more details on update regarding the status of the movement from Boston.

I used to walk to UCT from my off-campus apartment every day (except for the day when I skipped classes to go shark-caged diving). Upon arriving Upper campus, I was greeted with Rhodes statue sitting firmly and staring out the skyline of Cape Town, ever more proud of his possessions. This is the statue seen by every student who passes by Upper campus. For many white UCT students, this statue means no more than a campus decoration and a reminder of their school donor. Yet for many black South Africans, this statute often symbolizes a painful reminder of colonization and white superiority. It has psychological impact on students, who are especially struggling with their racial identity in this post-apartheid period. In my short stay at UCT, I tried to soaked in as much as I could; sadly I must share that racial inequality is still a very sensitive topic at UCT and in SA at large.

Just this morning, I saw an exciting post by a UCT friend,
"Rhodes is falling at 5pm today. Power to the students. ‪#‎TransformUCT‬"
Followed by a cynical comment:"You should rather put your efforts into learning, building and saving instead of wasting, decimating and destroying."

and I could not hold my fingers... to type in response!
"Dear--- , I believe you commented out of good intention for B---. However, I do not agree with your point. I believe the true essence of an UCT education and life long learning is to empower and be empowered. Removing the statue is a way of empowering our mind so we can gain strength from the past and make necessary changes in improving the present and the future. I was an exchange student from the U.S, last winter, the activist energy at UCT is none that I've seen in my own college experience and in many other universities. I continue to follow UCT news and friends' post so I can feel inspired. The dedication and determination of the students have set a high bar for us young student activists and soon to be professionals, reminding us not to lose our passion to fight for our beliefs and injustice. While I don't agree with throwing waste at the statue, there is a deeper underlying motive that the activists want to express. We shall walk in the shoes of the activists before denouncing their whole movement. Sometimes breakthroughs and growth have to come from the act of destroying. Without destroying, there might not be real space for genuine rebuild. Not destroying the life of our fellow people but destroying the haunted memories that continue to enslave, degrade and hinder the well being of our UCT peers and faculty."

Someone else responded with a bucket of cold water stained by ignorance:
Blah blah blah. Statue or no statue. Doesn't change a damn thing!!!!!!!

I was uplifted by this voice and thought of the 3-1 Happiness rule (3+ wipes away 1-)
I feel so utterly sorry for these T-^-like people when comes the time that the changes these actions wrought become visible to the white eye.....

This short conversation has invaluable implications for me personally as a student, a storyteller, and as a global citizen. Firstly, it reminds me to keep on believe in the power of past stories. Things happen to us as human beings and we often times involuntarily inherit past historical mess. However, we do not necessary have to accept the historical events just as they are. We have an imagination and will power to re-imagine our past, accept the past without internalizing the pain, and draw strength from them. Secondly, while the world will continue to inherit messiness, and our generation will leave behind mess that we created and inherit, it is truly up to our and our future generations to re-imagine the past and creatively work through the mess in order to gain strength and hope for the future. Finally, as the mess and the struggle continue, so will our strength and hope. Fight on.

Brief part-time job experience so far...

First week of my part-time job is done! Overall it was very fulfilling I must say. Supervisor walked in and had a half an hour advising session on fostering a healthy and meaningful marriage today. She also told us her past working experience in her home country. What a woman!!! If we were in ancient time, my supervisor would be the senior general of our army. She is so articulate, so inspiring and so passionate! Love her leadership style. I am so in love with my job despite its challenges at times. My coworkers are caring individuals and the work environment promotes constant teamwork. =) We get so excited and celebrate every little success!

I learned that I am a super guilt-oriented person, something which T pointed out multiple times before. I was running late on Tuesday and ended up paying over $60 for uber Instead of $2 for the subway. With little over 3 hours of sleep the night before, I was having such a grumpy day until my supervisor reminded me, don't let guilt take over you. It is okay. Just let go of the guilt and work very hard for the rest of the day. adjust your hours by staying a bit later, I don't mind if you don't make it at 9am. I almost cry when I heard that. I am not a morning person, and with the snow disaster, I've been having the most difficult time getting to work. Now I have more breathing room going to work and getting off work. This is why I am excited for the work that I will do because I get to manage my own time as long as I get the it done. I thive on that freedom and autonomy.

I promise myself to pray for every client that I interact with and I will keep them close to my heart as I make myself available to be their voice whenever they need me. So far so good!!!

And guess who opened the door for me? God made it so easy so that even when I hesitate to get this job, He urges my supervisor-to-be to seek me out and wait for me to adjust my schedule. When I listen and obey to God's calling, I feel joy and at peace. I need more of that in my other decision making moments in life!

To be continued...

情人节所见证的oasis

情人節、一個讓很多情侶的單身的人都呼吸比往常快一點點的節日。有的是因為興奮、有的是因為難堪。今天對自己而言、是平凡而不平淡的一天。

昨晚被邀請去各種各樣的派對、也不是不願意去、只是心底里還是嚮往一個人在吵鬧的星期五夜、躺在軟軟暖暖的被窩、讀一下新寄來的雙語聖經、放鬆身心靈、與耶穌共度寧靜的一夜。這是屬於我心靈的oasis。

一大早起來、忘了為何調教早鬧鐘。再次躺回去時才想起、哦、今早約了跟lady friends們聚會喔。聚會中、你講我笑地煮早餐、共享大家帶來的食物。填飽了肚子、就坐下來聊聊天、來個深情分享。說了很多以後、哭笑交加、肯說肯聽。創傷的心靈、一同來維護。整個過程當然不能少提出愛我們愛到附上自己生命的耶穌。分享後、圍個圈、抱一下、愛滿滿。這是屬於我們友誼間的oasis。

聚會後、隨意地走過校園、來到街道另一邊的ceramic room、探望了小作品。心裡突然心血來潮、不如回家吧。媽媽剛打電話過來說煮了團年飯、只是她晚了告訴我、早上沒時間回去。從ceramic room走到地鐵、從地鐵走回家、一路都悠遊自在地照相。有時神為我們預備了很多禮物、只要我們留心、便能發現很多驚喜。






回家前經過家旁的花店、走進店、買下一束紅玫瑰給家裡的葉媽、老闆娘說、for you, so sweet、笑著遞了我黃玫瑰一枚。又驚又喜的我便笑臉盈盈地回家去。

電梯打開、看到一對老人手牽手、靜靜地看著窗外的雪花飄飄。那是多唯美多有愛的畫面。轉過頭、咦原來是我最喜愛的鄰居之一。她總是笑得眼瞇瞇、也非常平易近人。我是她最喜愛的假孫女。

從他們的背影走到他們的身旁、我才發現他們可是十指緊扣的呢。打聲招呼後、隨即我便藉花敬佛、將手上的黃玫瑰遞給了她、情人節快樂。她的眼睛都笑得害羞藏起來、也露出了整齊的一排白白牙。

結婚五十年多年了、一直的不離不棄。他前陣子跌倒、身體變得不方便。別人勸她將他送到老人院、讓那裡的工作人員照顧他。她卻說、我能夠照顧的我是不會送他去老人院的。我想留在他身邊盡可能地照顧他。他雖然一聲不出、心里或許經已一甜到入心、多麼願望身體能夠操控自如地給妻子一個擁抱吧。

拿著黃玫瑰、她開心得不得了了。情人節雖然受不到丈夫親自送的禮物、卻意外地收到專遞的禮物跟祝福、情人節快樂。既然是情人節、我就趁機會問問他們的情史。她很興奮地講述了他們在一起的經過、還不住地擰擰他的耳朵、像個小孩子一般。他扶著牆上的handle、她在背後靠著他、將頭輕輕地擺在他的右肩上、歡樂地分享著往事。沒有戒指、沒有車、沒有房、在1961年就連去茶樓擺酒也經已算是“架嗮”（厲害）了。過門後她婆婆說、你還未過門前我便留意到你。心想：要是這女孩能夠作我兒子的老婆、那該多好啊。這是婆婆後來才跟她分享到。說到這、她像個小女孩單純地笑了。她接著說、有個姑姑介紹我們後、我就這樣開始照顧他了。話沒完、她又擰了一下他的耳朵。他雖然語言好像已經說不出口了、頭腦還是非常清醒機智的。他不時地彎上眼睛、在無聲中微笑著。有時他還盯著我好幾分鐘、好像有話跟我分享。雖然用不著語言、他的眼神確是非常鎮定樂觀的、好像在告訴我、嗯！她說得沒錯！其實我現在還分不清楚誰更調皮。

11個內外孫、50年、2個國家、1000山10000水後、他們依然相愛著。不需要言語、只要不離不棄、盡力地去愛、那就是屬於他們多年不變的愛情oasis。

回到家裡、媽媽已經準備好一桌子預祝新年的美食。弟弟坐在享受他的最愛、龍蝦。我便跟弟弟開玩笑說、來、我給你買了玫瑰、哈哈。然後就叫他將玫瑰親手送給媽媽。後父​​去了上班。我們三、一家人、便享受這頓團年飯。話語不多、卻輕鬆自在。弟弟問了我喜歡他研究作文那部分。我回答以後、他分享了英文老師讚了他、露出了一絲滿足的表情。這對平時一言不發、學業一字不提的弟弟來說、是何等的進步呀。那份作文、是我跟他一同在Google doc 勤力地來回討論來回問答好幾天而完成的。我為他而感到自豪。寫作是屬於我們姐弟兩溝通的oasis。

晚飯後、弟弟往常地回到房間去上網、而媽媽便去廁所手洗一些衣服。我走進、拍拍她的屁股、給她做鬼臉、調戲她後、便背向著她、脫下裙子、當場上廁所去。呵呵。這是屬於我們母女一變二後毫無禁忌的oasis。




回到学校，将团年饭跟一朵红玫瑰送给了一个亲爱的lady friend，与她共享美食quality time。神很好，让我们中学便认识，之后上了同一所大学，大二成为了室友，至今依然在大家的生命里互相支持。她是一位很好的聆聽者，總願意專心聆聽我的脆脆念。我們兩性格雖然很不一樣，掙扎的東西也不同，但是各自在生命上的存在讓我們繼續見證神的奇妙帶領。她跟我們一位很好的朋友今年有個trio，每個月約出來聚會玩耍。那是屬於我們大學美好時光的oasis。

又回到熟悉的校園。。。

安置好一切、關上燈、漆黑裡的寧靜、卻讓我難以入眠。升高了的床好像讓我的心凌空吊著、特別感受到地心的吸力。因著從前跌過下床的緣故、凡是宿舍小床一直都是放到自然就可以坐下的高度。如今有了室友、地方不大、所以學會著將就將就。

BC、我回來了。經過這幾天的安靜退休會、我整理好心情、回到這熟悉的校園。還有很多朋友未見、未跟很多老師聊天。不過過去這幾天認識了不少BC的人、讓我慢慢地進入大學生的狀態、嚮往著大學的最後一棒。

我的這個背、這些日子來睡過很多不同質地的床。弄得腦子有點混亂、總是會失眠好幾回、才能慢慢地入睡。

明早要早起、現在先跟自己說聲：回來就好、盡情地去愛、去經歷、去活著。不留遺憾。晚安、翁燕儀。

PS 神昨天回應了我上次的禱告、幸好被提醒了禱告事項、不然又因著健忘而忘記去讚美感謝神回應我的禱告！

Dear 2014...

"Happy New Year my friends! For me, 2014 was a year of speaking truth in love, mourning for losses, celebrating family, embracing friendships, and living out a life of new possibilities in different parts of the world. Onto 2015 I go, dare to pick up the cross and love fearlessly, any where, any time."

Speaking Truth In Love:
I can recall so many moments when I was challenged to speak up. I did speak up most of the time. There were two other moments where I thought about a lot, yet never did follow through with speaking up my mind. Of the times when I did speak up, I can instantly recall several significant moments...

Speaking up wisely is a loss art, especially when we live in a large and some times virtual community with little accountability. At the beginning of the year, I emotionally stripped myself naked and laid bear in pursuing what I believed was a calling to speak truth in love. It was a difficult lesson indeed. The process was emotionally burdening and the time leading up to it was nerve-wrecking. Not only did I dig through years of memories, I had to process and evaluate it in the present and act accordingly with courage and love. I later learned that it was not a matter of right or wrong answer. It was the question of do or do not. I've always been so OCD about making mistakes that I become afraid to make mistakes, when mistakes were actually what helped me grow in the first place. It was difficult being vulnerable in front of others, especially when it was something I've never exposed or called attention to it before. True vulnerability is not about what I am willing to share, it is sharing all that I am unwilling, uncomfortable and unexpected to share, yet I still choose share for the shake of love, healing, and understanding. So I spoke up. The marinating period was painful but by the grace of God, the experience turned out to be a very peaceful one.

In another instance towards the middle of the year, I spoke up. This time I did it more out of frustration and a little tiny bit of love. May God forgive me! God did and He showed me that He can use my weakness and messiness to generate personal growth and nurture a genuine friendship. I learned about the way how I interact with others and how I can better improve in the future. The most important lesson of all from this experience: never walk out in a conversation. 

In the summer, I encountered another experience where I learned that open communication alleviates stress. The act of bottling up emotions does anyone no good. It would only increases stress on both sides and lead to pretense interaction. When I did speak up, the other person was more understanding and accepting than I thought. Here, I was challenged to trust more and give others benefit of the doubt. 

In this most recent moment of speaking up, I spoke up for myself and for the one I dearly love. It was speaking up and engaging in healing conversations. God gave me the opportunity to listen, to understand and to speak up. I can never forget this blessing! 

Of the times when I did not speak up, I guess it was a battle I chose to let go. Some times speaking up jeopardize relationships, so I chose to close my mouth at certain times and adjust the emotions inside my own head. I guess intelligence is when one picks all the battles and wins them all, and wisdom is knowing when to pick a battle and when to let go. After all, our resources and time is limited. 

Mourning for Losses:Losing someone significant is... soul-breaking. Dealing with losses is not uncommon, as people come and go. Dealing with losses of significant people in my life takes a long time to heal. The past sometimes catches up to me and reminds me of the "what ifs". This past year, I've lost someone significant. Someone who made a huge impact in my life. As I was mourning, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me, "give yourself time to mourn and to live through the pain." I did not exactly know what mourning was like in this specific case. When my father was passed away, I did not mourn for long. I was too young to understand what that even means. Over the years, I mourn in moments when I long for him. I mourn in moments when I learn about him from my mother. I mourn in the moments when I recall few interactions we shared. He is still very much alive in my heart until this day. The person that I lost this year is also alive in my heart. Memories of our interactions still trigger the same level of emotions and engagements. I was mourning in the freshmen dorms in Boston, MA. I was mourning in the long bench in Leogane, Haiti. I was mourning in safari in Cape Town, South Africa. The mourning does not seem to stop, but just like the mourning for my father, the pain decreases over time as the appreciation increases. I will keep on mourning for as long as it takes. So to dear 2014, thank you for a good chapter. 

Another significant way of mourning for losses is the 4-minute silence to remember Eric Garner. Mr. Garner was choked to death under bright daylight in New York. When I closed my eyes, I could feel the cry for "I can't breathe". Lying on the grass and the street with about three hundred people of many backgrounds and nations, I could feel the energy crying out for justice. When speakers shared, our hearts were united, in the name of solidarity. BC was the institution that taught me this word, yet I felt utterly disappointed by the silence and denouncement of BC leaders. Why are the students being warned and punished for being solidarity, especially during the times when they acted against social injustice? My heart breaks for all the black lives that were lost not just in 2014 but in the past history. I am still mourning and my healing shall come from my Lord and the dedication I am willing to put into fighting against social injustice. 

Celebrating Family:
Family...oh family. When I was away from the States, distance has brought us closer because skype allowed my mother to reach me more frequently than when I was at BC. This past year had a very rocky start in my family dynamic and it had gotten better over the months. I felt blessed to celebrate my mother's birthday with her in the three weeks that I stayed home in between trips. I also felt blessed to come back from Cape Town safely and spend this winter vacation with my family. Watching TV series (Person of Interest) and drama (Feichengwurao) and movies (Star wars and Spirited Away) have been enjoyable. I do not normally watch TV a lot. I am happy that the unnecessary, wasted TV time has turned into productive family bonding time. It's not easy to connect my family, but prayers never fail and opportunities of love are always there!

Embracing Friendship: 
Being away from BC and Boston has allowed me to evaluate my past and present friendships. As I grow older, I sense that I become less willing to open myself up for new friendships. Prior leaving for Cape Town, I did not set any expectation of meeting long-term friends. I met amazing people. We had wonderful conversations. I learned a lot. However, the deepest part of my heart had a difficult time inviting in people to invest in long term friends because I knew that I was only in Cape Town for a short while. I use the word "friend" cautiously because I came to realize that my resource and time is limited. And investing in long term friendship requires both. I was pretty content with the core group of friends I had back home in Boston.

By the end of the trip, I was truly humbled by the people I've encountered. From the one-time encounter to the many nights of deep conversations, my skepticism in meeting long term friends was broken. I ended up with some pretty awesome American and South African friends, whom I would definitely go back and continue our conversations. 

To name a few...

• Beach Boy
• Volleyball
• Soccer
• Lost Granny
• Bus driver
• RH
• Professors <3
• M, C, J, R, M
• A, M, E, T
• J, S, J, S

This year I had the opportunity to be present in two of my significant friends' weddings. I was only able to make it to one. Even so, God has shown me that He is the one who blesses and nurtures our friendship. How beautiful is the wedding day of two people singing songs of praises and honoring the Heavenly Father! :)

When I returned to Boston, I was able to catch up with many good friends and had looooooooooooooong conversations. Life has been truly beautiful. Some times I just sit back and smile...

2015:Picking up the cross and loving fearlessly... 
The adventures from 2014  have left positive and negative influences in my relationship with God. For this upcoming year, I want to continue to engage in a relationship with God. As I am graduating from BC and moving forward, I want to keep relying on God and seeing His guidance. There are so many possibilities. I want to prepare my heart to walk the path that will bring me closer to God. I want to learn to love more fiercely and fearlessly, in all circumstances.


Dear God,
I am alive and breathing, thank You. Last year had its share of ups and downs and it was definitely a difficult and thriving year. Thank You for watching over me and giving me opportunities to adore the beauty of Your creations, even in the messy situations. The lady told me the other day that I have the presence of God with me. What an affirmation from a stranger! I know very well in my heart that it was You who gave me the courage and compassion to help her. I thank You for Your love that is filling in my heart.

For this coming year, I ask for more of You and less of myself. I want to ask to be in an intimate relationship with You and less of legalistic beliefs. You are the God who knew me before my birth and all that is to me. I lift up all the possibilities of my future into Your hands. Use the skills, talents, and all the resources that I have to glorify Your name, the Almighty, all loving, all knowing Lord.

I have many questions in my heart and I've been seeking for answers. You've shown me that I needed rest more than anything else. May my desires that have caused me to be restless be taken away from me, so I can truly be still and know that You are my God. From the stars in Kingston, to the stormy rain in Leogane, to the vast ocean in the Santo-Domingo, to the bright moon in Cape Town, everything will not be there without Your permission oh Lord! We are so small yet so significant in Your eyes. You've shown me that You care more than anyone else in this world and I must always remember that. When I walk astray from You, I ask that You would kindly remind me the way home. The intellectual and spiritual warfares in this world wrestles for a better world. I believe that this better world can only be found in You. I ask that You would continue to show me what it means to live with Your image in my soul and serve the people around me. Thank You God for loving me and standing by me in all circumstances. I love you and I hope to receive and show more love in 2015.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen!