"what a grumpy chunks of frustrated cells I've been lately..."
Before I move on to dissect my feelings, I can assure myself one thing: out of the frustrated feelings comes free expression of raw emotions between myself and God. Frustration was just a linking bridge after all. After crossing this bridge, I sense tranquility rushing over me like God was embracing me and whispering to me, "it's been way too long... my child!"
I am not overall frustrated. It would be a lie if I associate myself with only frustration lately. My frustration seems to root in all the stressors coming from all directions. I was indeed overwhelmed by even the smallest pressure I received from the people around me, as if a hypersensitive child refusing to be touched. When I looked deep down inside my heart, the real problem was not rooted on these stressors. The real problem was my own relationship with God. The problems that I am experiencing right now are very minimal to what I've been able to overcome in the past. This is not to dismiss the intensity or impact of my current problems, but I need to remind myself that "these too shall past..."
I thank God for the little nudge to wake me up. Today had not been a good day. And I need to learn to accept that it is okay. Just like what I wrote on my white board a few weeks ago:
It helps, now and then,
to step back and take the long view.
The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts;
it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is the Lord's work...
Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of saying
that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No sermon says all that should be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
That is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow,
We water seeds already planted
knowing they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that affects far beyond our capabilities...
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very, very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning,
a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the Master Builder
and the worker.
We are workers, but not master builders...
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future that is not our own. Amen
- Oscar Arnulfo Romero
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