Capturing Beauty: allowing me to embrace humility.

⁵ 你要專心仰賴耶和華，不可倚靠自己的聰明， ⁶ 在你一切所行的事上都要認定他，他必指引你的路。箴言 3:5-6

• had lunch with L. after several months. Challenging conversation, but I loved it. Just as we prayed, "may it be a conversation that helps our spiritual growth~" It did, for me, at least. I am not someone who takes criticisms well. When something is negatively intense against what I believe, I rebuke in response just in the same level. L did a good job trying to put things in a more gentle way. I really appreciated that. My heart was a stone at first, but my...(as I was typing this... my little brother, who was already in bed an hour ago, screamed from the room: YANYI!!!~~~YANYI!!!~~~ YANYI~~~!!!! I did not say a word in response. I just got up, a little bit irritated but was more eager to find out why he called. As I walked into the room, he told me that he couldn't sleep... Although I replied with a one word answer "WHY", I thought the fact that he was calling me because he couldn't sleep was the sweetest thing ever! ^_^ So I lay besides him, tried to figure out why he couldn't fall asleep. Then I suggested to pray for him so he can sleep. I knew that he does not take God seriously (at least not yet), but I prayed anyway. He did not resist by covering his hands over his ears as usual. Instead, he listened as I gave thanks to God for everything that He had provided for us. Mom's delicious homecook pork ribs, a place to stay as the storm arrived and passed. Going out to downtown in the afternoon. I know that my brother loves me and respects me deep inside ten times more than what he normally shows when he argues with me. I just thanked God that I was able to be there for my little one when he called. Laying gently beside him across the "valley" (on side of my bed), I just kept staring at him in the dark as he had his eyes closed to enter the sleep mode. I can not see his face. yet I felt his peace. Lord, I know that my little brother still does not believe in You. He one day will. I am sure because You are an unfailing God. You are the God of LOVE. Whenever he calls You in the future, You will be right there for him. Just as You have always been for me. Several minutes passed. I was still staring at him in the dark. Suddenly he opened his eyes, realizing that I was still looking at him. He smiled. I love it. I love the way how he smiled when he felt loved. I soothed him by softly brushing his hair as he closed his eyes for another attempt of sleeping, just as any loving mother would do to her child. Another several minutes later, I stared out to the window... breathe slowly and wondered... Lord, I haven't open my eyes to capture such beauty for a while. Thank you for tonight. I got up and gently walked out the room, closing the door behind me...)
• HERE I am... continuing my free write of the night! ... I listened carefully as she shared her experience. There was a part of me that felt extremely rebellious and defensive. I wanted freedom. It was my experience that she picked out, analyzed, and criticized with her perspective. The one thing that I dislike the most in life is others telling me what to do and how to walk on shoes that they wore. I did not like to hear what she said. But it was beneficial for me because she was drawing the wisdom from Scripture. 苦口良藥. Although our conversation created some tension, I genuinely appreciated what she shared with me (maybe not at the moment :P). As I stayed after she left to get back to work, I contemplated on my own of our conversation. I realized something that was the barrier of my spiritual growth. After analyzing several past experiences, I was able to have the key to open the locked cases that closed part of me, isolating me to others. Lately I've been learning a lot of humility lessons. Dragon boat race, soccer, new job, and even an online video... all of these new experience reminded and allowed me to see myself in a new light with a humble attitude. People often say that human beings do not have good sense of self. This is quite true- I can testify as I misinterpreted on how I truly act, how I truly speak, how I truly treat others. The word "truly" is very critical here. I thought I was one way, others reflected me another. Today's outcome of the lunch date was a bit surprising. However, I would consider it a blessing. I am grateful for a sister who boldly and kindly shared her experience and the lessons that she learned. Thank You God for identifying my inner struggles and providing me the opportunities to work through them.

Getting a bit tired of typing... should head to bed soon. Below is an excerpt from an email that I shared with my friend A as we were updating each other. 

• I am currently getting ready for my summer program at Harvard. As part of my The Art of Giving Back project (Running the Boston Marathon was part of it), I am going to be a mentor at the Crimson Summer Academy, where I was once a mentee. Excitement simply overflows my mind whenever I think about it! I will start this on June 23rd and it goes to August 9. Did I also mentioned that I will be taking an art course this summer?! YES, I LOVE DRAWING AND PAINTING!!! Your prayer was answered- God never fails to show me His amazing skill of time management! hahaha. Here is why: I just got off the waiting list several days ago and I found out that my art professor will be Paul Stopforth. He is a South African artist who makes art to express political issues such as apartheid. Did I tell you that I was planning to study in Cape Town, South Africa at the beginning of my Senior year? (From July- Nov of 2014) I also love using art to promote social justice. I did not know any of these before signing up for the class. I simply love art and just stubbornly stayed on the waitlist despite the risk of not getting in it. God is sooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!! I did not mean to type you such a long story over email, but this is just another reminder that our God is alive and working in our lives!!! How can we not live to praise Him? :D
• I just got access to the CSA website as a mentor. It brought me back so much precious memories. This is going to be an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-mazing summer. No doubt! Count down: 6 days!

There are so many things that I want to mark down... but I must head to bed now as tomorrow will be my last day babysitting my iBabies before they head back to Italy for the summer! Look forward for their glorious return already!!!