After running 21 miles, imagine the eagerness to see your family and friends that you knew were just several more streets away… then all of a sudden, several polices stopped you and ordered you, "the race is over, go home." O_o?
While I was overwhelmed by the excitement of the race and the support of my BC friends, I felt so physically and emotionally weak on the inside because I could not even run pass the police and be with my family. At that very moment, a chilly thought rushed to me: what if Jesus returns at this moment? What would happen to my loved ones who have not yet returned to God? I had no connection with my mother, little brother and many others whom I loved dearly. None of them is a follower of Christ (yet).
As we were "forced" to walk back to campus, I did not know how I could help but to simply pray. A group of us circled up right in front of St. Ignatius and prayed for the victims and everyone who was involved. In prayer, we lifted up the situation to God. This act of coming together and praying as a community allowed us to hold on to our God and once again be reminded of His sovereignty. For He alone is God, there is no other god besides Him. (Isaiah 44:6). When we were praying, I felt a sense of urgency as if I became more awaken. What if Jesus came back at that moment, where would my family and friends be? Our time on earth is very limited. We may be here this second, and be gone in the next. How can we "number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Pslam 90:12)" and to live a life not for ourselves but for God?
Marathon Monday night @ Prayer room:
Exhaustion, confusion, frustration, question mark.
I sat still.
Eyes wide opened, hands unfolded, legs stretched out.
Staring into space, I did not even know how to begin my prayer.
My heart was heavy and my soul was weary.
Why Lord... why...
Three items was listed on the black board:
1) for the victims
2) for the perpetrators
3) for God to restore & heal Boston
For a long while, I just stared at the blackboard, secretly protesting the injustice in my silence.
Sometimes the deepest cry requires patience. It requires waiting upon the Lord and letting the silence be our prayers. A sister came over to me and asked to pray for me. I replied yes, but in reality, I was not feeling it. I just wanted to be left alone in the presence of my Lord… and protest. In the middle of her prayer, I felt as if my heart was awakened and I found my voice to break through my own silence. In the prayer, I cried out all my feelings, all the frustration, confusions, and questions. I poured them out as if I was confronting God. Who am I to confront God? Who am I to show my anger at Him or even question Him? Yet at that very moment when I spoke up, I encountered Him. When I allowed myself to be completely honest with my struggles, He was there to listen with patience. He kindly reminded me that if I felt so hurt by the tragedy of all these strangers, imagine how much He was hurting? He is the passionate one who love so intensely that every time when He loves, He pours out His ALL. No holding back. No doubts. No questions asked. He knew all the victims and perpetrators even before they were born. At that moment, I was so humbled by His love and all my negative emotions faded away. His love became so alive that it restored hope in my heart. I was reminded that I can not say words of prayers just because I am supposed to. Every word that comes out in a prayer, God knows it before I even say it. God valued my feelings about the situation, not the elegance of my words. God valued my desires for justice and love, which is of His very nature. For the past ten years since I decided to be a follower of Christ, I rarely think about Jesus' second coming and why it matters so much that we must live in the reality of eternal life. After this Marathon Monday, I was once again reminded that we lived in a very distorted, broken and violent world. We need JESUS. He is never the cause. He alone is the solution. Only He can restore our fault human nature that we can not overcome by ourselves. My dear brothers and sisters, life and death is only one breath away. If we claim ourselves to be true followers of Christ, let us love God by being in an intense loving relationship with Him and with those around us (Luke 10:27). If we have never experience God's love before, or have forgotten what it feels like, simply pray and ask God to show us. He will listen and answer because He is a God who does just as He says. Every. Single. Time.
That night, I walked out of prayer room with my soul being showered by His love and my heart being renewed with hope. God, if You promise to be there for me and when I trust that, what can separate us? "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39)
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